I haven’t all the time and I don’t all the time, but I really do enjoy running. And you might make it mean I don’t like running, so I can’t be at a healthy weight. And this weekend I did a 10 K run with my husband. So you might say, oh, she gets along with her husband. I can’t do it ’cause I don’t get along with my husband.

And, but the truth is I don’t always get along with my husband. And if you know me really well, which is only the Lord, he knows the struggles that we’ve had and the struggles that I go through every day to make sure that our relationship issues don’t bring me down and don’t disconnect me from the Lord and don’t drive me to the pantry.

So I do work really hard on processing these things with the Lord, but I wanna share this story with you. It is all about how we met. With his cousin and her husband to do this race together. And we call it a race ’cause it is called a race. But the truth is that none of us are competing and we all just wanna finish with smiles on our face and feeling really good and having just a wonderful experience and enjoying the day and feeling like we met a goal.

Okay, so that’s the race. And then we went to my favorite breakfast place and I just know how this would’ve gone down. Before the work that we do at weight loss with the Holy Spirit. So here’s my story. I wanna just weave in how I would’ve handled this before and how freeing and miraculous the experience was this year. 

Okay. So we knew that we were gonna run the race, and then we were thinking let’s try to catch breakfast somewhere. And we knew we probably wouldn’t be able to go somewhere super local because there would be a lot of other people. how this would’ve happened in the past is I would’ve been thinking, oh my gosh, we’re gonna run this race.

And I would’ve already started the mental calculator on how many calories I would’ve burned during the race. And I didn’t even think about how many calories I was burning during the race until I started to think about making this podcast and how. Oh my gosh. That’s exactly how I would’ve handled it.

And in the past, I would’ve been doing the whole every mile is about a hundred calories, so I would’ve thought I did six miles, so it would’ve been 600 calories. 

And then I would’ve been thinking about breakfast, and I would’ve been thinking, oh my gosh, I can’t wait to go to breakfast. It’s gonna be so good. I would daydream about it and I would be like, I don’t even care what I’m gonna eat. It doesn’t even matter. I would go through this whole, like I can indulge as much as I want ’cause I did this 600 calorie event.

And I know you can totally relate the whole calories in, the whole calories out. But I have to tell you, this year I did not even think of that mental calculator at all. It was raining. So I will say there was a part of me that thought. Do I really wanna do this? It was 47 degrees and raining. 

And I thought, you know what, Denise? You don’t want to not do this. Do we want 47 degrees and drizzling is the truth. It wasn’t raining. Do we want that to be the reason we don’t do this? And I said, no, absolutely not.

My brain was not even on the breakfast. My brain was on how good I was going to feel doing this, and my birthday’s in May and for every May for quite a long time since I’ve been in the fitness industry, so over 20 years, I’ve always had a fitness goal, and my fitness goal was I can run six miles once a year.

Most years I have worked up to that and the concept was, listen, if you can run six miles once a year, Denise, then you’ll always stay fit. You’ll always stay active. And it just seemed like common sense to me last year. I did run six miles, but two years prior to that I didn’t, the year prior to that, I didn’t, so I ran my six miles for my birthday in 2024. Did not in 2023. Did not in 2022, and I don’t remember before that. I think I probably did. 

And so this has just been a very. Milestone sort of event to run these six miles. And it also just so happened, this is a race that just so happens to be in May, which is my birthday month, and I just started doing this particular race this run last May.

So I was like, I’m for sure doing it again because it’s literally under 10 minutes from my house. So I enlisted a couple of my other buddies, cousins and stuff to do it with me. I thought, Hey, let’s just all do it together.

So after we get done with the race, it was wonderful. We all finished. I thought we would be going back to my house, but we weren’t. And so I really had nothing with me. Now, normally if I’m gonna go out for breakfast, I take this bread that I make and I make this specific bread for myself because I have some gut issues.

And it just works really well, and it feels like it takes one thing off my plate to worry about. And I know I won’t trigger my gut issues, and I’ve talked about this before. I have small intestinal bacterial overgrowth. I can have a little bit of normal bread and a little bit of like normal carbohydrates and it won’t trigger it, but I usually just try to always bring my bread.

I didn’t have my bread, so I freaked out just a little bit this time. But I coached myself and I was like, that’s okay. It’s not a big deal, Denise. If you want to have some toast with your meal, you know you can have a little bit. It’s not going to freak you out. 

Now, I’ll tell you, probably a couple years ago, I would’ve freaked out about the amount of carbohydrates and I was like, this is not a big deal. And it wasn’t. I promise you guys, and it wasn’t because I just ran six miles. It was because it’s not a big deal. I have just ingrained it in my brain that I want food freedom. If I want a piece of toast, it will be fine. 

And I also was able to just feel so calm because I didn’t make any game plan about going, but I knew I could trust myself. I knew the breakfasts that I truly enjoy. There’s two different breakfasts that I like to get at places. 

So this is what I used to get. I used to get an egg white omelet with Swiss cheese, chicken, and broccoli, and that was amazing. And then I would have my bread, or I would have rye toast with butter, and then I would have ketchup.

And that was my go-to for a while when I was in food recovery. And what I just found is that it would get on my plate and it was huge. It was like massive to the point where I would overeat it. And then now I’m just like, I don’t even want that much and it’s not what I want. 

So now my go-to at breakfast and listen. You’re gonna hear in my story how I did not stick a hundred percent to my go-to. I added to it, but my go-to is and I think about what do you want, Denise? What do you really want? 

I love two eggs over medium, a side of cottage cheese, sausage patties. I usually bring my bread, but I didn’t, so I ordered rye bread, and then I usually get a side of mayonnaise. I really like mayonnaise. I like butter too, but I really like mayonnaise with my eggs and my sausage. 

Okay, this time my husband was with me, and we don’t go out for breakfast much because we just often don’t eat breakfast at home. Really, he usually doesn’t eat till lunch. And on the weekends, if I’m going to eat breakfast, I usually eat it by myself, and it’s usually not till 10 o’clock anyway.

But one of the things we love when we go on vacation is we love biscuits and gravy. Oh my gosh. It’s just so great. So it’s our special treat. We haven’t had that out for a very long time. So I’m gonna pause here. So we get to the restaurant. So now let me pick up to where you get to the restaurant and I’m checking in with myself.

Denise, what do you want? What do you really want? And I get myself calm. I go to the bathroom, I get my race clothes, just get myself settled, meaning I take off the stuff that’s making me too hot. I go to the bathroom, I wash my hands. I just feel like, taken care of and freshened up a little bit.

And I say that because when I sat down initially at the table when we were seated, I usually order coffee. And when she asked, do you want coffee? My husband automatically said yes. And I normally would just say yes, but I was like, whoa, I’m not, I’m so thirsty right now. I’m just so thirsty. So I said, no, I don’t want that. So I wasn’t on autopilot. I was really in tune with what I really wanted. 

And then I could just notice, I was like not feeling fresh, right? It just got done running. So I went to the restroom, washed up, washed my hands, just felt like, settled and I had a talk with myself, knowing that I’m in a restaurant. And not taking for granted that I could be tempted to be in, not tempted, but I could fall into a stress response being around food. 

I just really wanted to take care of me and check in with me. How are you feeling? What do you really want? And when I was in the restroom, I’m thinking, yeah, I really love those eggs and those sausage patties. You don’t have your bread, Denise. How do you wanna handle this? 

And I was like, I like rye bread. Yeah, I’m gonna get some rye bread. And you love your side of cottage cheese. Yeah, I’m gonna do that. Yep. That’s what I’m gonna do. So I’m having this conversation and I’ve got that attitude of yep, this is what I’m gonna do. Yeah, I’ll feel really good about that. 

Again, totally free from the mental calculator. That I think is probably the number one reason I wanted to make this podcast was because it was all about checking in with me and making sure I was cared for and future me was cared for. 

And I wasn’t like you’re gonna regret blah, blah, blah. No. It was just like, what? What do you want? What do you really want? Is that what you want? Do you think that will make you feel good? Yes. Yes and yes. 

So I went back to the table. I already knew what I wanted, looked around the menu, but I do know that is a chaos behavior for me. If I know what I want and I’m feeling very settled and peaceful, reading a menu more is not helpful to me. It doesn’t bring me closer to what I want. It’s chaotic. It starts messing with my brain and it takes that piece away. 

So that’s when I just put the menu down. So that’s a little hack for y’all. If you’re already settled and you’ve decided you will know when you’ve made your decision and put the menu down.

So then as after we order, my husband goes, do you want biscuits and gravy? And I was like, you know what? Let’s think about this. ’cause it sounds like an impulse behavior. So I asked her, what are your sizes for biscuits and gravy? And she said I could give you a half size, which is like two biscuits, open face with gravy, or I can give you a full. And I’m like, oh, okay. 

That half is definitely enough for us because I know I’m gonna do half of a biscuit with the gravy.  Okay? And I’m like, yes, this is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. And I just know, and I kept saying to myself, you know what, Denise, we’ll be fine. Because what we’re not gonna do is we’re not going to eat off the serving dishes, which I’m going to get to in just a second.

Let me go back to. Before I did this work, what that would’ve looked like. I would’ve come in from the race, been so excited to eat. I would’ve sat down, ordered coffee. I would’ve poured a couple, one if not two of the creamers into the coffee, just because I would be saying to myself, you never get this. You never get this.

Is that interesting? It wouldn’t be because I wanted it. It would’ve been because I was telling myself, you never get this, which is that scarcity mindset, like you better get it while the getting’s good. And then I would’ve ordered. It wouldn’t matter if I was ordering the eggs and the sausage and the toast, or if I was ordering my old omelet or whatever I ordered.

I just know that I would’ve ordered it, believing it’s fine. You can have this. You can, like I was giving myself permission and I was getting permission to eat this because I ran. It wouldn’t have been, Hey, this is what you really love, isn’t it? I wouldn’t be ordering from a place of self care. I would’ve been ordering it out of a place of, I’m allowing you to do this today. Denise. You have my permission. 

Do you see the difference in that? I know you can feel that difference. And then when the food would’ve come. I would’ve gotten whatever I ordered, and then I would’ve added the biscuits and gravy onto whatever that plate was, and then I would’ve just eaten until I thought I was done eating, and then I would probably eat a little bit more.

I will tell you one of the ways that I keep myself safe at restaurants is because. A lot of food in front of me is, what is that? How would I say that? I will just say it’s an advanced skill to continue to check in with your hunger. Is that enough? Is that enough? Is that enough? And I find it easier if I put a few other boundaries on my behavior.

And those are, as I get a separate plate and you guys, I’m telling you, there’s a lot of plates on this table. So I have to coach myself to say, no, Denise you’re worth a separate plate. ’cause it seems ridiculous. Why are you ordering another plate when there’s a million plates already on the table?

So I get a separate plate and I serve myself what I want, and that way I can look at my plate that is prepared for me. I can decide, do I want more? Do I want a little bit less? It doesn’t matter. But eating off of serving plates is a chaos behavior for me. 

So I like to create my own plate. And so I, in my brain, have this belief that the plates that my food comes on are the serving plates, right? It served me on that. And then from there, I create my own portion. 

Because you guys, that’s just a bunch of food that I have never felt good when I eat it all. I’ve never felt good. If I’ve been served an appropriate portion and I’ve eaten it. It has been few and far between. 

Okay? So I make my own plate. And I eat it, and it’s lovely and I’m really enjoying it. So how would this have gone in the past? Number one, I would have not done that, and I would’ve just kept adding ketchup and ketchup. It’s funny because sauces are my thing. I love sauces, and I used to just sauce it up with a belief. I never get to do this. It’s okay. I just ran six miles. 

I didn’t have to sauce it up. This time, I could have what I wanted. I could enjoy it, but I didn’t have to keep adding more because it’s like the only time I’ll ever get ketchup, I wanna talk to you about the toast too. So I got this rye toast and it came dry.

And I put butter on it and I was able to take a bite and say, oh wow. Oh my gosh, toast is so yummy. Toasted butter. Gosh, I haven’t had this forever. And I was able to savor that very familiar, comforting feeling and that flavor, those two flavors together, way different than the bread that I make now. And I was like, wow, that’s really good. That is so good. 

And so the way that I handled the toast was I cut it in half and I thought, you know what? I’ll have a piece of toast. That’s how much I’ll have. That’s fine. That shouldn’t tear up my stomach. Plus the biscuits and gravy, that’ll be fine. ‘ cause I think there’s like flour in the regular gravy.

So I cut half the toast and I put half of it with butter, and I enjoyed that. The other half I just had dry and I was putting the mayonnaise and the eggs and the sausage on that ’cause I really just love mayonnaise and that was yummy. And I don’t remember at what point, but I wanted another quarter of the bread, so I just ripped it in half. So now I will be having three quarters of a piece of bread. 

And when I left the restaurant that last quarter was left. And in writing this podcast episode, I recognized how I didn’t have to have it just because there was a little left. It was like I’m done. That was enough. And it was like, I’m done. That was enough. That was so good. Oh my gosh, that was so good. That was so great. 

And that’s how, that was my attitude. It was like, I don’t want more. Isn’t that amazing you guys to not be like it’s only a little bit left. And I was able to keep my eyes wide open and I noticed a chaos behavior when my plate was done and there was that little bit of bread left and I didn’t want it. I reached over with my fork and I took another bite of the biscuits and gravy out of the serving dish.

And I was like, wait, what are we doing? If you want more, put it on your plate, Denise. And I was like, but I don’t want more. And that’s my thing where I say, if you want it, just put it on the plate.

And that’s how I know that I am intentionally eating and not just on autopilot or with this belief. You never get it a little bit more, a little bit more. ’cause that’s a thought I’m really working on right now is a little bit more, and I’m gonna talk a little bit about that in another podcast, but is this just so cool? I was like, oh, but you don’t want more. 

And so we were able to enjoy the company with our friends. I walked out of that restaurant. I just know that in the past, all I did was eat off these serving plates a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more, and how I would’ve left in the past before this work is leaving at 9:30, 10 in the morning, feeling absolutely stuffed, and I would have this thought the whole day’s blown.

I’m no good for anybody now. I would feel so guilty. And like I was rolling myself out of there because that little bit more I’ve noticed is a peace stealing activity. Every time I do that, I end up feeling guilty with whatever it is. And that’s something that we’re working on in the restored program. 

So I didn’t wanna do that. I’d had enough. I loved what I had. This year. We left the restaurant. We hugged our cousins. I went home and I tidied up my house. We were so exhausted you guys, because we were up at five in the morning for this race, and we were out till 11 o’clock at night, the night before with my son’s volleyball, so I was exhausted.

I took a nap at 11:00 AM. I’m not joking. We came home from the restaurant. I tidied up, took a shower, and went right back to bed. I was like, I’m gonna restart this day. And what’s so funny is I had this little thought in my brain, oh, it’s too early to take a nap. We can’t do this. 

And last year I probably would’ve taken a nap out of guilt and wanting to escape the world ’cause I just felt so horrible. I would be telling myself, you’re so useless now. And this time I laid down at 11:00 AM. Out of self-love, out of a way to restart my day.  And I just kept saying, Denise, you have a lot that you wanna get done today and this is what’s going to get you there. Take your nap. It’s totally fine.

And so what I want you to hear from this whole story is how in the food and preoccupied I would’ve been in the past. How this whole event, which is amazing, running a 10 K, which is six miles. I’m so proud of myself and I’m so proud of my husband. He’s never done a race with me like this before. 

We got to do it together. We got to do it with his cousins and her husband. We got to go to breakfast. It was like a mini day date. It was so fun, and that could have all been colored and shaded simply by the preoccupation with food. And I am not unique. I do not have a special willpower gene.

All I did was get to a point where I did not want to keep living the way I was living. I didn’t want to keep going the way that I was living, consumed by food thoughts. What could I eat? When can I eat the mental calculator? I was in so much mental anguish. 

I had everything in my life that I’d wanted. I had a husband who loved me. I had two kids that we adopted. I tried so hard to get pregnant. And finally, we were graced and given and blessed with these two boys, and all I wanted to do was stand in the corner of my pantry with a jar of peanut butter dumping chocolate chips in. 

So my point is that I don’t have a special willpower gene. I am not unique, but I just did not wanna keep going. I didn’t want one I had. And I also knew the Lord didn’t want that for me. I just kept saying to myself, there’s got to be more to life than this, and I was just willing to try a new way. That’s literally it. 

But I want to say one thing in full transparency. This new way of letting the Lord lead me and free me from being consumed by food is a daily. Discipline that I follow every day. I have to wake up and decide this. Every day I get to observe my thoughts and stay close to me and learn to take care of me and notice the thoughts that are throwing me off.

And I promise you, all of the things that I just told you and just listed are skills that were taught to me. They’re skills that can be taught to you. No one is born knowing how to do this. There’s nothing wrong with you. You just haven’t been given the skills and been shown what to do so that you too can have this food freedom.

I promise you can have it and you can have this before and after pictures. Events. This is how I would’ve handled it before. This is how I handle it now. This is the anguish I was in before. This is the piece I have now. This is the feeling controlled I was in, before. This is the freedom I have now.

This is the confusion I was in before. This is the clarity I have now. This is the deprivation and the denial that I had before, and this is the abundance I have now. This is the condemning and critical and mean girl voice that lived in my head before, and this is my supportive, best friend , personal assistant, cheerleader, who lives in my head now. 

I just promise you that, before and after picture can be yours very quickly, and so you’ll hear. On our little outro, about 63 surrendered. It is the very first step in you being able to have a before and after life. We can allow the before life to just slowly slip away as you learn new skills and develop this new life.

And in 63 surrendered, we have four daily disciplines, and the four daily disciplines are to teach you what your part is in creating this new life you’re cooperating with the Lord. You’re giving him full consent to help create new life in you, to help heal you, to help let go of things that aren’t serving you anymore.

And so I hope to be giving you an inside look even more into the transparency of this freedom because you need to hear, I am not unique, as long as you are willing to do what I did. And  I’m showing you that process and that process is letting the Lord lead you in this way. That process is a daily commitment. Then you too can have this. 

Here’s what’s funny is I developed this process in a really simple way where you know exactly what to do every single morning. You just pull out your worksheet and depending where you are in what phase, you have a different worksheet. And somebody said to me the other day, oh gosh, the worksheet just seems like so much that felt so heavy to them.

And it’s really common. You guys have all experienced that. Fill in the blank feels heavy. And I said the reason. why you have the worksheet is so that everything else feels lighter. So if we can get you to put the worksheet in your hand and grab a pen, then you’re done. That’s literally the only obstacle you have to overcome.

Pick up the worksheet and put it in your hand because the worksheet is designed for you to not think. After that, it is designed to step by step, walk you through, and ask you the questions that then you. Allow the Holy Spirit to write the answer for you. You will know the answer and they’re very simple questions. But my point is the obstacle is pick up the sheet and the pen. 

Isn’t that funny how simple things can be? So she believes the obstacle is the worksheet and the obstacle is not the worksheet. The obstacle is truly putting the paper in your hand with the pen. It’s a very common obstacle in the women in our community and one of the things that we help women do is look at what the real problem is or the real obstacle, and then we just solve for it.

And many women have come to the conclusion, oh, if I put it by my nightstand, then I actually pick up the pen and pick up the worksheet. Oh, if I put it by my coffee in the morning, oh, if I keep it on a clipboard in the kitchen. Oh. And so it’s just kind of problem solving for. That one little thing, which is pick up the worksheet and put a pen in your hand.

So I hope you have so much hope. I hope that you’re having a beautiful, blessed day. I hope you heard exactly what you need to hear, and I hope that you pursue your afterlife as well. 

Alright, everybody, have a blessed day.