Denise:
I can totally relate. My struggle with food and weight didn’t really take off until I became a mom and there’s so many unknowns to marriage that I just wasn’t prepared for. And then motherhood, which I wasn’t prepared for. And you think that, I grew up in a house with a mom. I grew up in a house where I saw families getting married, but when it’s your own family and your own marriage, no one taught me how to be a wife and live with another human.  

Kelly:
Yes, it was really hard. I had three kids; once my kids started reaching eight years old and then I had my fourth kid and life just felt really hard. There were so many demands on me and I just couldn’t keep up. I just felt like I was constantly drowning. And in fact, that’s how I found you from a late night Google search or internet search. I met you when you were a coach in the Masters program.

Denise:
You guys might not know this, but I got my start with Catholic Weight Loss Coaching in the Master’s program and that program was a Catholic Life Coaching company for Catholic moms. That has now morphed into a couple different arms, one being weightless with the holy spirit and another one being Catholic Mom Calm. So you can check that out at catholicmomcalm.com. 

So back to Kelly’s story. 

Kelly:
I was Googling searching for drowning in Catholic motherhood that was in 2022 when I found Masters and I was just really struggling with life, with my depression, and I had some really hard family stuff going on. My dad was dying and then died, and then my mom received a very bad diagnosis last year. So there’s just been so many things and I just didn’t didn’t have the tools and the resources I needed at the time to manage my life and take care of myself. I just really felt like I was drowning every day with all these responsibilities that I had taken on with my children and growing and the activities that are good for them and that we wanted them to be in oh, and I homeschool. So it’s just, it felt like a lot.  

Denise:
Yeah that is a lot. There’s a couple of things I want to mention at this point. The first one is kudos to you for realizing you did not have to be that way. To be able to, you were searching for a solution in that Google search of drowning as a Catholic mom.

I think it’s so cool that you: number one, knew that you were going to not have to live that way. And number two, you were like, but the solution I want to be grounded in my faith, I think that’s really unique.

Kelly: 
Yes, cause I’ve always been a Catholic, practicing Catholic. I’ve done various devotions and Marian consecrations and everything, but truthfully, I’ve always been trying to do life on my own and I think never  fully sincerely surrendering to the Lord and trusting in Him, and I really think that’s probably why my life for these so many years has felt so hard because I feel like it’s all up to me. I have to do it. I have to do this. And then, I see what looked to me like failures, with trying to run a home and be a good calm parent and be a healthy weight and have my children involved in the activities that we want to be in.  Like you say, like white knuckle it without really depending on the Lord, even though my faith has always been a big part of my life and my marriage and our lifestyle just at the root of my heart.

Not letting go and actually trusting that this is the Lord’s work. And I only do anything by his grace and his goodness. 

Denise:
I don’t know if I’d call it pride. I think that from a virtue standpoint, we’d be like, Oh, we’re prideful. But if I look at my story and your story, I would guess we just didn’t know that was an option. We’re momying and we’re doing the thing and we’re trying our best and we’re going to have the strength. No one had ever taught me that you can surrender like your everyday life to the Lord that didn’t occur to me. 

Kelly:
And I think that’s what stuck with me after listening to a lot of your coaching calls through the master’s program. It was just a completely refreshing new way of thinking and talking about weight loss that didn’t feel negative and shameful and like it was your fault. I didn’t have the knowledge. I didn’t have the tools. And it was such a relief to be able to think of it that way and gave me so much peace so that I could open up, I think, to doing the work and trying to make the changes. I was  carrying so much guilt and shame after my fourth pregnancy, where I started that fourth pregnancy, 25 pounds higher than any of my other ones, I could always get back down to my, a healthy weight for me through a short two month effort of eating produce and protein and doing short exercises, and two months I’d be back down to a good weight.

But the fourth pregnancy was just so different. I had all these stressful things going on in my life.  Never lost the weight afterward and over the last four years, just slowly put more on. And it was so heavy and shameful for me. I would think about my weight whenever I was getting dressed, whenever I was thinking about what event or what regular thing, going to mass, going to our play group, going to our homeschool co-op, what am I wearing? What do I look like? What are people going to think of me? And  it just, as you’ve said in your own story, consumed so much of my mental energy. It was so draining and I think that was one of the biggest immediate results after starting your program was just, I was rescued from that. I was rescued from that constant, as you call, tornado thinking, and I just suddenly had so much more openness in my head and in my day and in my life, and it wasn’t pulling me down and weighing me down, even without losing any weight.

It was just doing the food notes where, You don’t change anything that you’re eating, right? You open your eyes and say, what am I eating? And you write it down. And that for me was such a healing exercise. And from then on I’ve just experienced this freedom from that all consume being anxiety surrounding my weight and my food choices and feeling guilty and embarrassed and ashamed. 

Denise:
And Kelly, that is literally the reason why this program was developed was to give women that freedom from all of their brain space being consumed by food and weight. When we’re thinking of food and weight, we’re literally unable to hear the Lord’s voice. Feels very heavy and I like how you said I felt rescued and I felt a freedom even though I didn’t lose weight, but, what I love to say is that you lose the heaviness and the weight of all of that mental baggage. 

Kelly:
Yes, absolutely.  

Denise:
So you first met me when we were in the other company, the masters as the weight loss coach. Now, here’s where I want a little clarification. So you were drowning in your motherhood and then you found Masters. Were you also looking for weight loss at that point or just like how to be a calm Catholic Mom? 

Kelly:
I wasn’t specifically looking for weight loss at that time. I knew I had a lot of weight that I would need to lose to be at a healthy spot. But at that time I was just trying to feel better about my life and about my experience in my home, in my work with my children and life. I was so unhappy and that work learning the model, going through some of the coursework in there was so helpful. In fact, it led me to do something that I’d never done before in an effort to eventually try to lose weight, which was to join an actual group exercise class out of my house three days a week.

I paid a lot of money for it and I joined it . I showed up for three months and I could tell my body was changing, but it wasn’t losing weight. I knew that there was a different problem and I didn’t know what it was. But I really think that it was leaning on food to cope with life because I felt so stressed and overwhelmed and I just had this dependency on food. I knew I had to feed my family breakfast, lunch and dinner and snacks. And so my days were anchored to those and so I would eat largely out of habit. I wasn’t in tune with myself and what I wanted. I didn’t even know  if I was really hungry, I would have seconds because I didn’t feel satisfied. Not because I was actually still hungry, but I wasn’t even in a mindset where I was aware of what was going on. 

Denise:
Kelly, at that point, as many women, we just become very disconnected with our bodies. We’re living on autopilot, and we see this food, it’s time to eat, so I’m gonna eat. I’m not eating because I’m hungry, and then the food tastes good, or it feels good, and then we consume more out of a desire to feel satisfied. Even though this concept of satisfaction isn’t related to our hunger, it’s related to something else that feels like it’s missing in our lives.

And we never take the time to slow down, to examine that or even recognize, Ooh, where can I feel satisfied? How can I add that to my life? Or what feels so unsatisfying. But when you get into this work, you’re like, Oh, whoa, these are some patterns I was in. And one of the cool parts I love about our program, and this is for everybody listening, is our work is to become aware whoa, hey, this is what I’m doing. And then we have the power of choice. Do I want to keep doing this? But what we don’t have to do to make progress is we don’t have to go back and be like, why was I doing that? It doesn’t matter. We can spend our time finding out why we did it or we can say, oh, you know what? This is something I’d like to change. I’d like to learn a skill and like to learn how to be different here.  

Kelly:
And I think that’s what I was missing. And I didn’t have a sense of agency. I didn’t know what I wanted. I didn’t even know that I was supposed to think about that and make decisions to take care of myself. I just didn’t know.

Denise:
Isn’t it wild to think we’re adult women in our thirties and forties, and  we just don’t know how to take care of ourselves. And I think I just want to say to everyone who’s listening, whether you’re in your 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, I have conversations like this with women in their 70s, who they just never knew. But that just doesn’t have to ever be our future. That’s the exciting part.  

Kelly:
Yes. I think once I start hearing you talk about it and asking questions, I think it’s easy to say, oh you’re being selfish and trying to prioritize your needs. But, like we all know that’s not true. That’s not what we’re doing here. We’re taking care of our basic needs so that we can be present and not so overwhelmed to, Live our vocations, whatever they are, so that we can go out into the world and be that peaceful instrument that brings Christ to your children, your workplace, your sports activities, whatever it is.

And it’s not being, it’s just not being selfish. It’s just taking care of your basic needs. So you can go do the Lord’s work.  

Denise:
And that really I was just going to say, if they can say that, I don’t even know the scripture that says whatever, whatever is judged by its fruit, like a tree is judged by its fruit. It’s selfish if It’s at the expense of other people. I think that the authentic self care that you’re talking about, I like to call it authentic self care. It’s very true self care because the roots are: It builds up the human, it builds up the person and so that we are just like you said, more able to tend to our vocation, stronger in our vocation, more present. 

And  selfish actions would only meet the needs of a human desire, right? Like a human desire for our taste or like luxury and pleasure. And that’s not what you’re seeking. And I think every woman listening to this, we never really have to worry about being selfish because we do want to follow the Lord. And I think it’s a common misconception of this concept that self care is selfish. We could talk about this forever, but in the end. It’s exactly what you said, where you are more present and able to do your vocation because you’re willing to do the uncomfortable things to take care of yourself because it is uncomfortable. You have to take time, you have to deal with all the mind drama of, oh, I might be being selfish. Because in the beginning it was hard.  

Kelly:
Yeah, and it is work. I actually started the meat of the program in January. I was sick in bed with a virus for a few days and I just thought I’m lying here might as well start watching some of these videos. And so I was, I started the videos and just started doing the work and I wasn’t rushed. I just did it when I felt like I could do it and I got stuck in a couple of places. As it took me a month to do that part of the videos, the homework, the history assignment noticing what I was eating and what I was feeling and but I was totally okay with that because I think what I knew about having listened to you before was that you weren’t going to be giving me a meal plan because I knew that my problem was not not having a meal plan.

I had been through a detox and a nutrition class through my doctor’s office. I have the internet. I know what I should be eating, right? I knew that wasn’t the issue because I could try to eat “right foods” for a week, but then I just couldn’t stick with it and that was my experience after my other pregnancies to when I did lose weight.

I could do something short term, but there was something missing and it was this deeper thing that you address. I think in your program that comes before the food. 

Denise:
The thing that leads you to choose the food that you’re choosing. And it’s that piece of I can know what to eat and then when I choose different, it’s what’s the gap? What’s the gap? 

Kelly:
And yes, that was the missing piece. And through doing this work in this peaceful and calm way, I’ve been able to plan my meals every day, basically for four months, five months. I started the videos, I guess five months ago. And I really started the daily food plan in the morning and evening check ins with the Lord, I think four months ago.

And in that time, without any exercise, I have lost 25 pounds and I still have a ways to go but for me, having that data, that confirmation to say look, even though I’m not doing X, Y, or Z, that the world fitness industry is telling me I need to do, what you’re saying is true, that if you use these tools and adopt this way of thinking about food, using it in an ordered way and you give us the tools to get there that our body is naturally going to find It’s healthy weight.

And now I’m not there yet, but I have a hundred percent confidence based on my experience with this. And I’ve done it longer than I’ve done any other program because loose interest and I’m onto something else but I know that this program is sustainable because it’s just these very simple daily things that I need to do to take care of myself, whether or not I’m trying to lose weight. This program is teaching me how to take care of myself and I get so excited now when I think about what do I want, not in that selfish way, but the Lord is asking me to live this life and he’s not asking me to be miserable, but it is up to me to take that time and I didn’t  know how to ask myself that and how to sit and think really what do I want so that I can meet my physical and emotional needs so that I can do my day and take care of my people? 

Denise:
Let me start with that first. You have developed a relationship with yourself where you’re able to tune into yourself and actually detect what it is that Kelly needs, which is so cool, right? We’re not living on autopilot anymore. You have a new relationship with yourself. And what I like also is that you said that you’re putting yourself first, taking care of your needs first. And because everyone is listening to this, that could sound selfish if you look at it in the world’s view. But the truth is that if you don’t take care of your needs throughout your day, what are you thinking about? You’re thinking about yourself, how you didn’t work out, how you didn’t, or how you didn’t get your walk in, how you didn’t especially if you’re wearing clothes you don’t like, or if you didn’t plan your food, you’re all you’re doing is thinking about what food am I going to eat?

When you can take care of your basic needs at the beginning of the day, like you said, then you’re available to the people. You are fortified, you are ready, you are strong, you are present. So I really love that concept. You also mentioned about creating order with your food. And that’s one of the things that this program does is it helps you have a healthy relationship with food because he gave us taste buds, so he wants us to enjoy it. And he created you uniquely you, so he wants you to enjoy the foods that you want. 

And then finally Kelly, four months and 25 pounds. 

Kelly
Yeah, isn’t that crazy? And I think that’s why I wanted to share my story because I was so encouraged by another interview that you did, this is so doable. Yes, you have to show up. You have to learn the information and watch the videos and they’re all so encouraging and give me a new way to think, but it’s not like I’ve been training for a marathon. I’m not leaving the house to go pursue some crazy new unsustainable lifestyle. I’m doing this very simple, but very consistent work, and it has led to finally feeling hopeful. 

And there wasn’t anything wrong with me. Once I had the knowledge of the right tools in place and I feel like I’m on cruise control now. It’s not that hard. And I still get to plan for these indulgent days. I went out to lunch with my mom the other day and I said, I’m going to order whatever I want because I’m going to lunch with my mom and that’s what I want. I didn’t have to, I could have ordered a salad or something, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to order what they recommended, which most people at that restaurant thought was the best. For my son’s birthday, I wanted to have pizza and ice cream cake. And this is, so throughout this time, even, I’m making these decisions about where do I want to enjoy this food that I really used to be problem food for me. Not every day but I can still choose it and I don’t feel guilty about it.

And even if I overeat some of it, then I can just learn from it, act like a scientist, like you say, and I don’t have to make it mean anything about me. I don’t have to shred myself to pieces and feel awful. Like you say, I just don’t do that anymore. 

Denise:
Yeah. So for all of the people who are listening who are like, you’re making this sound like a cakewalk and doable. And you mentioned that you’re on cruise control and you have daily practice. So take us through a typical day in the day of Kelly and how she takes care of herself and keeps her food sane and peaceful.  

Kelly:
So every day In the morning, I just know that I want to do my morning connect sheet and I always start it with the surrender novena. I have it printed out and it’s in my binder so that I have it just all right there at my fingertips and this binder either lives at my kitchen table or I bring it back to my bedroom for my evening reflection.

But I sit down and I do that novena. I read through my statement of I’m becoming a woman who And that has evolved a little bit over the months, but I’m really happy with the version I have now. And then I do my meals, it’s really a best guess as to what I want my meals to be. And I kind of stick with the same four or five meals because I really liked them.

I really look forward to them and I’m very satisfied  after eating them. And you know what? I have a thing for dark chocolate and I honestly plan a bar or half a bar of dark chocolate after lunch and dinner, because one: I think it helps prevent my leg cramps at night, but two, I really just love it and it’s like dessert for me and that makes me feel so satisfied.

So I just quickly sketch out my meals. And a lot of times I’ll even just put options. Like I know that I want a source of protein. And so my dinner, I might just make a game time decision, like what’s there in the fridge at dinner time that I can have, or I’ll make a list of leftovers that I can pick from. But it really only takes a few minutes and then I sketch out what’s on my calendar for the day.

Sometimes I really get stuck with picking emotions that I want to feel today, and it’s interesting how they’ve changed over the course of time to when originally I used to  want to feel calm and peaceful and joyful. And now so often it’s just, I want to feel capable.

I want to feel confident. Yeah, so it’s really interesting. And sometimes I do get tripped up on that or creating a thought, so I’m not even doing it perfectly. I’m not even doing it a hundred percent. So in the morning, I’ve already planned out my food, from the night before I know what my favorite breakfast is.

I know as long as I have my ingredients in the fridge, that’s what I’m having. And then I just have a little planning to do. And then if something happens in my day and it changes, I just do the best I can with the options that I have and then I just let it be and I move on to my next meal or my day.

And I’ve actually been keeping all of my papers that I’ve used every day for planning. I like the data. I like being able to go back and look to see what was working for me or what wasn’t. But I do, I definitely take that time in the morning. It probably doesn’t need to take as long as I make it take. I probably make it take 10 or 15 minutes to really sit down and think about my day and brain dump. And then I’m on and off, I’m off on my day and I know what I’m going to eat cause I had a plan for it. And then, late at night in bed, I always remember, Oh, just got to do my quick little evening reflection and it is quick. It’s simple, it’s just not complicated, but I do have to show up and do it. I have to make a point to do it. 

Denise:
Yeah. I think that’s what people need to hear is you have to show up for yourself. The work here isn’t complicated. Weight loss isn’t complicated, but you do need to show up for yourself.  

Kelly:
And I have been a little nervous wondering, Am I going to be able to keep this up for the rest of my life? That thought scares me.  

Denise:
Of course it does. 

Kelly:
But as long as I stay in the work today, this is all I need to do today. My husband said that it’s a lifestyle change and it’s great. Like he’s so excited for me because he sees how far I’ve come, how much progress I have, and he’s so happy for me and excited for me. So when I share with him this fear of will I be able to keep it up?

He’s so excited about this change, this me learning a new way to live my life that I can just take here on out.  

Denise:
For all of you who are thinking, can I keep this up? There’s two things that you need to know. Are you planning on ever living your life away from the Lord? And if the answer is no, then of course you’ll keep it up.

This is a very simple and doable way that you can surrender yourself care. I find that  we surrender so many areas of our life to the Lord and our marriage and our parenting, and this is just a way to surrender yourself care. And Kelly, it is a lifestyle change. Just like when you first were looking how to stop drowning as a Catholic Mom, when you said, oh, I’m done doing this on my own.

I’m going to turn this over to you, Lord. This is the same thing. I’m done doing this on my own. I want to turn this over to you, Lord. And when he leads us, it just becomes simple and peaceful.  This point, what would you like to tell any Catholic woman who is listening to this? Who says I have tried all the things and I just can’t stick to anything. What would you say to her to give her encouragement?

Kelly:
I could only encourage someone to consider this program because it’s like placing yourself in the Lord’s hands, and the tools just come. I believe so much in this program that I would say even if you don’t have any weight to lose, the work that we do here is just so good. And it feels like the Lord is just coming in and helping make the changes that you didn’t even know you needed to make.  

Denise:
Wow. That is so  true. That is so true. I have this belief that when you encounter the Lord in your everyday life  and you try to articulate it in earthly human words, it’s just impossible. It’s just like when you were like, it’s just so good.

Like what we do here is just so good. Like we just don’t have the language to say cause I feel like I say the same things over and over. It’s like freedom, detachment. It’s like your life is leveled up in a way that is so hard to describe because when you didn’t have it, it just felt so different. It felt so heavy and drudgery. 

Kelly:
And something else that I noticed is that by exposing myself I call it consuming your content. So I’m watching your coaching call replays, listening to the podcast,  it’s the truth that you’re just putting it out there.

You’re helping women. And the more I consume the content. The more I think like that and I pick up the language that you use that is so encouraging and helpful. And then I find that I’m using it on my friends. My friends are going through something that’s hard and  I’m familiar with some of the language and the ways to think about it, and I’m asking them what do you want? You can do whatever you want. What feels right for you and your family? There’s no right answer necessarily. Do what you’re comfortable with, don’t do that if you’re not comfortable.

But I’m just learning this language and this way of thinking that I’m just seeing how it’s coming out of me now and going to my friends and family, as we’re going through life. And the tricky things in life. 

Denise:
You are allowing this program to be so integrated into you.  

Kelly:
I thought the other day as I was thinking and praying about preparing for this interview, maybe this is why the Lord allowed this for me, so that I could feel like I just reached rock bottom and I had over 60 pounds to lose, so that I could find this way that truly depended on Him, not on myself, to truly depend on Him, to completely surrender to Him, so that I could, share that message and that hope and that new lifestyle that is so countercultural in the weight loss community.

Denise:
Yeah. Yeah. I think that’s one of the parts of being able to carry our crosses like him where we see our cross is actually one of the greatest gifts we’ve ever been given. 

I can say that when I look at the biggest crosses in my life. With the food, with the over drinking, with the marriage stuff, the, oh my gosh, all of that has brought me closer to him, so that now I can bring that to others and bring him, or bring them closer to him all of that has brought me to this amazing life now, yeah.

Kelly:
And I’ve absolutely seen that through you sharing your own story and all the work that you had to do is what made it possible to have the Lord work through you to create this program, then to reach all of the people who are willing to try it and experience healing through it and that wouldn’t know of course the Lord could work it whatever way he wanted but this was the way that he chose to use you and your crosses and your healing to then reach his other people  

Denise:
For all the women who are listening to this who say they are very faithful they give their lives all the way over to the Lord, but aren’t finding any help with their food and weight struggles. And that’s what this program is. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t praying enough or you aren’t holy enough, but what it does mean is that there are some specific tools that help you quiet the human desire to eat, that help you quiet your human thoughts and deal with your human feelings, that the Lord needs us to learn those things so that he can come in and work through us.

And so it’s those tools that you mentioned that aren’t hokey that actually just clear out our brain so he can come and work through us better. Thank you Kelly, thank you so much for sharing yourself with me today and with our audience  

Kelly:
Oh, I’m so I’m so so grateful for the work that you do and I just I’m I know I speak on behalf of All the women in your community. Thank you! 

Denise:
Oh, you’re welcome. Is there anything else you want to leave our listeners with? 

Kelly:
I could add that therapy has its place and I’ve certainly benefited from therapy, but I just want to say that paying for this community Monthly has saved my family so much money from private therapy. So if it’s something you’re on the fence with as far as oh, this is a monthly commitment or whatever.

This program has been so helpful and way cheaper than the private therapy that I sometimes do, which absolutely has its place. But I would just encourage women to pray about it and see if it’s something that the Lord is asking, is calling them to and not to be afraid of the cost, because the Lord will always provide.

Denise:
It’s $59, and if you get in at the right time, we run a special where it’s 59 for two months. 

Kelly:
And it really is cheaper than my therapist. And I have great results with it. I would just encourage women to pray about it. 

Denise:
Thanks so much, Kelly. I hope this has brought some encouragement and inspiration for you and that you’ve heard what the Lord needed you to hear as you listen to Kelly’s story.

All right, everybody. Thanks so much and have a blessed day.