Or this might just be beyond the capacity of my life right now in the state of my life that I’m in right now. So I think this would be very helpful for women who are on a weight loss journey or not on a weight loss journey who find themselves feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and frankly, at risk for burnout. And so today I want to talk to you about who’s at risk for this, and then what the heck to do about it and how to change that. And you’ll find that you might be at risk for this if you are one of those women who is very ambitious and driven, and that the Lord has gifted you with many talents and you love sharing them with the world and there’s many people in your community who recognize all of the talents that you have so you’re getting many offers for opportunities to contribute your talents. Is that your life? If so you may be at risk or may currently be suffering from what I call that overextending syndrome. Now overextending syndrome is a phrase that I sort of tongue in cheek coined to talk to myself when I am not being realistic about my current capacity. And so I’m just going to review this as sort of like you would, if this were a real syndrome, because I truly believe in my life anyway, that I can’t experience overextending syndrome where I’ve overextended myself, but more important than that, I put the qualifier of I’ve unnecessarily overextended myself, because I haven’t been aware of my current capacity or even taking time to reflect on what I’m choosing to spend my time on.

And so I believe that overextending syndrome is characterized by extending your resources, like your time and your talents to creating or current activities, projects, events, whether in your home or even outside of your home. Accepting opportunities or invitations to be included in particularly leading committees. So this is when people are asking you, hey, can you help out on this committee? Can you lead this committee? But it’s not necessarily extending your resources or accepting opportunities to do those things that creates the overextension. It is making those decisions to participate or accept those invitations based solely on having the skill or the talent for the task. Based solely, and really believing in the cause. Based solely, on not wanting to disappoint someone or feel uncomfortable by saying no. And it’s those three parts that I want us to start being aware of. Am I saying yes, out of obligation? Am I saying yes, just because I’m really good at something, am I saying yes, just because I’m probably the best person to do this in a very efficient way. 

Am I saying yes, just because I believe in the cause. Am I saying yes, just because I don’t want to say no or feel uncomfortable. And then the third aspect is because I, or whoever is suffering from this, does not have a very clear perception of how participating in that project, in that committee, in that task, in that event will impact your life. Given your current state of life, given the demands of your current state of life. So not having a clear perception of how, if I say yes to this, what does that mean for my current life? And this might be you if you often feel exhausted and overwhelmed or if you have a desire to simplify your life, but you’re like, I have no idea how to do that. And so in this podcast, I want to tell you how you can reverse an overextending syndrome and how that’s possible. So there’s four parts to this: the first part is to discern what works for you now in this season of your life. And I talked to you a lot about discerning or discovering what food works for you in this season of your life. I want you to serve discern what works for you in this season of your life, with regard to your schedule, with regard to your capacity, with your energy. With the rhythms of your family. 

And the first place to start is really just to decide what really speaks to your heart. Ask, what am I involved in that lights up my heart? That’s life giving is an enjoyable?  What creates a better version of me? What brings me closer to God? What brings more of the Lord into this world? And when you’re answering those questions, have you considered that one of the ways that God could be calling you to bring more of him into this world is to do less outside your home. To create more peace in you and in your home. To do less outside your home so that you can say yes to learning how to take care of yourself in a more authentic way or to get support for personal stroker that you are dealing with. Whether to wait, whether it’s support for maybe a child that has special needs, or a difficult marriage, maybe you need support somewhere in your life and that overextending yourself in other areas is preventing you from getting the real support that you need. I find that so often we’re busy momming and wifing and volunteering and working in daughtering that we don’t take the time to take care of the mom, the wife, the professional, the volunteer, the daughter.  

Is now the time the Lord could be calling you to do that. I’m not saying drop everything, but I’m seeing it real discerning on what’s overextending you when he could be calling you to this very holy work. So many people think it’s selfish work it’s not. The more peace you put into yourself, and the more support you get yourself for overcoming personal struggles, the more you’re able to support your family. The more, you’re able to bring more peace to the family. Over and over in our community I will ask women, what is the one thing? That you have seen change in your life. And they say that they know how to show up for themselves and take care of themselves. And then the second question I ask is, and what has fallen through the cracks? And they say nothing. In fact they’re more productive. They’re more able to show up in a more authentic, more present way for their families.  

And do you see how not unnecessarily overextending ourselves in other areas gives our lives space to do that? To learn how to treat ourselves the way that the Lord would, if he were on earth? And some concrete ways to do that wouldn’t we all love a personal assistant. What is most needed now in this season of your life is to learn how to really be your own best personal assistant. By creating some simple systems to tend to your own needs to make your life easier by planning ahead. And scheduling and meal prepping or taking the time to create and test out some other systems that would simplify your life. I’m not saying add to your to-do list, I’m just saying give yourself some space to think, would it make my life easier? And then giving yourself some space to schedule that time on your calendar.  

And when we’re not unnecessarily overextending ourselves, we can create more space. You see, you have many superpowers my friends. As I said, you’re ambitious driven women that have a lot of talents. Talent’s like intuitively knowing what’s necessary, organization, problem solving, being creative, having skills, and talents so many that we’re extending outside of our homes and ourselves. And I’m just posing the question: what if for a season maybe one year, maybe half a year, maybe just this summer. You gave yourself permission to create more time to use those talents and skills to improve your home to improve your personal life. To overcome a struggle that you’ve been dealing with. Maybe it’s your food and weight but by necessarily overextending ourselves, we’re not giving ourselves the opportunity to have that time to do that.  

So the first thing is really discern what works for you now in this season of your life. And to discern with clarity and what I mean by that is we’re not just going to go on autopilot and discerning and just be yes, women. So now that you know what brings more of God into the world and improves your life? The things that you know, you like, there are a few things to keep in mind while you’re discerning what you offer your time and talent towards. Say no to anything that you don’t really want to do that stresses you out or creates more chaos in your life. Right? Why would we say yes to any of that? Know that you are not obligated to say yes just because you’re good at something. Just because you might be the best, most effective person to do it.  Just because you’ve done it for years. And you’re not obligated to say yes just because other people expect you to. Two questions I like to ask myself here are, what does God want for me now in this season of my life, which kind of goes back to the first part of this. But the second one is what has God uniquely created me for?  Where am I ear replaceable now in this season of my life.  

You guys, my boys are 14 and 17 now. It will be an empty nester, probably in about five years.  This is a different season of my life. Five years ago, my boys were 9 and 12, a totally different season of my life. When they were 9 and 12, I was a lot more active in their schools. And now. I can see that the Lord has created this work that I’m doing with this podcast and that I do in our weight loss with the holy spirit community. That’s what he’s uniquely created Denise for; that’s where I am irreplaceable. And I’m not saying it’s more important than my family, I’m just saying that that’s where I’ve been uniquely created for, and I’m irreplaceable here, but in the school committees, there’s other people that can grow by stepping into leadership roles there. One is bad or good, better or worse. I’m just saying that the Lord has been very clear to me on that message. Now it is very hard to say no and I know that saying yes, it feels, oh, We don’t disappoint other people and we get that little dopamine hit when we see other people excited and we’ve pleased them. That sad, saying yes, right away my friends does not allow you the time to discern, especially if you are a chronic people pleaser or at risk for overextending syndrome, like Denise Jelinek.  

So I want to offer you a couple of tools that you can use. So instead, consider always saying  let me get back to you to buy yourself, time to discern what the Lord. And you can pray and discern with them and you could even say, let me get back to you next week, that’s totally fine. Most things are not immediate but if they feel like they need an answer right away, then the answer will probably have to be no because there are really few emergencies in life now, if you discern that now is not the right time, a way to soften that blow and make the sting of saying no a little bit less is to say, oh my gosh, I would love to help out. But it doesn’t work for me and my family right now. Can you please call me next year? Next fall whenever and then I can help out then I would love to be part of this. I just can’t this year, but call me next year. So you’re letting them know when you will be available if it is something that you want to be part of.  

The final thing is when you’re overcoming overextending syndrome you are expected to feel uncomfortable. Reversing overextending syndrome is possible; it is simple, but it is really uncomfortable, you guys. It’s a really uncomfortable process of healing. So expect to feel those feelings of disappointing others. Fear of missed opportunities, and many other feelings that are going to come up. But this is part of the healing and it is part of telling yourself and showing yourself I’m committed to you, I’m committed to what the Lord has said He wants for you. And I’m willing to be uncomfortable with this, because in the long run, you’ll probably only have to be uncomfortable for maybe 10 minutes in that conversation. And then you get off the call and you shake it out and, you know, What you really saying yes to you really saying yes to more space, to more simplicity.  

There’s one thing that I do know, my friends. Is that the Lord would not give you the family you have, the profession you have, or all the other aspects of your life. If it required you to live in chaos and overwhelm and exhaustion. If you had to live feeling overextended, He just wouldn’t do that to you. And so for people who find themselves suffering from this overextending syndrome, just know that you are unnecessarily making your life heavier and harder than it needs to be. And if that’s you, I promise you and I say this to myself as well, it’s not our fault and it’s not your fault. No one has ever taught you a different way, until now. Ask God in prayer where he wants you to simplify your life. So that you aren’t feeling that stress and that overwhelm, so that he can heal you and bring you back to balance and peace. He’s so faithful and I know he will show you that way. And there’s so many things your brain is offering you, like I can’t give up ABC, and EFG and XYZ. And maybe not, but maybe let him tell you that.  

And again, the reason I bring this up on a weight loss podcast is because so many women are neglecting their own needs because they are overextended in so many other areas of their life unnecessarily. And I want you to start surrendering your involvement and where you put your time, and your attention, and your talents to what the Lord wants and he will show you what he wants for you because the reason why you’re feeling so overwhelmed is because you’re trying to achieve. Things that are more than what he wants for your life and I found that to be true in my own life. When I feel overwhelmed, I say, Denise, what do you think is necessary? That really isn’t. And so I hope this has given you some permission to at least consider that your life can be easier and more simple and just turn to the Lord and he will reveal what it is that he wants your time and attention to beyond. And if you find that this is one of those seasons. That you are ready to learn how to get to your healthy weight for the rest of your life and not regain your weight. 

I encourage you to join our 30 day challenge, it starts today, go to weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com to get started and we’ll be spending all of May learning the foundations of how to get to and maintain a healthy weight for the rest of your life. You’ll have round the clock support and our slack community with hundreds of other Catholic women and you will even get weekly group coaching where you can come on live and ask your questions. So I encourage you to not spend May trying to lose weight alone, instead join our 30 day challenge at weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com. See you there!