And so what we do is identify what those situations are and make a plan on how we want to handle that prior to going into the situation. And we do this because we want to use our best thinking brain, our calm brain to decide how we want things to go. Because once we usually get in these challenging, vulnerable, or stressful situations, our good thinking goes out the window and we’re just stressed out. And so by making these plans ahead of time, we’re protecting ourselves so that when we get in those situations, we don’t have to think all we do is pull out our protocol and follow what it says. So how do you create a protocol? There’s really no wrong way.  

Like I just said, you just think, how do I want this to go? And make a plan, but I’m going to give you two frameworks that tend to work for the women that I work with.  The first way that you can do it is to think ahead of time about let’s just take, for example, a family party that’s coming up. You could just write a list of all the things that are bothering you or that feel challenging or you’re unsure, they feel unanswered or that usually throw you off. So just make a list of all the things that don’t feel great about that party on one side of a piece of paper. And on the other side of the piece of paper, just write, how am I going to handle that? How am I going to handle that conversation? How am I going to handle the food sitting out all day? What am I going to eat? How am I going to handle the guy saying, hey, how about your third glass of wine?  

Okay, you can just write down all the things that you plan to encounter and then how you want to handle it. So that’s one way you can do it, another way that we use a lot more in our membership is a very simple form and you can just write this down on a piece of paper. There are four sections. What am I going to do? What am I not going to do?  How can I ask for help and make this easier? And how am I going to talk to myself during this challenging or stressful situation? I’m going to read that one more time. So it’s four sections on a piece of paper, you identify with a challenging situation I like to call it vulnerable where I feel like, Ooh, I just don’t feel super strong there or triggering situations to put that title at the top. And then the four sections are, what am I going to do?  When I encounter this, what am I not going to do? How can I ask for help and make this easier for myself? And how am I going to talk to myself?  

The examples that I’m going to give you are real and they’re from my life. And they don’t all follow the system that I just showed you, but I just want to show you what it is like to identify, ooh, that’s a situation that doesn’t feel great, I need to make a plan for that and make a protocol for it. So I’m going to be going over with you my protocol that I have for restaurant eating, my protocol that I have for social events, my protocol that I have for when I get a migraine. When I’m feeling down or low and when I’m out driving my kids late at night, I just wanted to give you so many examples, so you can see there’s no wrong way to do this, but how helpful they can be in taking care of yourself. 

I want to give you a little background  on why I created and chose these things for protocols. Because I identified them as a way that I either overeat, stressy or just eat in a way that I don’t feel great about. So the first one I want to start with is restaurants. I’ve. Experimented with a variety of different ways at restaurants to eat food to help me feel safe. But this is a protocol that I created recently, and here’s the biggest thing that comes up for me at restaurants: the portions are pretty big or I’m eating with people that eat fast and then I find that I eat faster. So I typically eat very slowly and I wanted to make a protocol to address that. 

All right, so the first thing, what am I going to do? Okay, so beforehand. I might look at the menu now. I don’t do this a hundred percent of the time, but if I’m going to a restaurant that I don’t know what I really want to get, or I haven’t been there before, I might look at the menu. Another thing that I do is that I bring supplemental foods to restaurants. I have zero mind drama doing that. There’s bread that I prefer to eat. There’s a chip substitute that I prefer to bring. And I also bring my own low sugar, barbecue sauce. If I know where going to a barbecue place. Okay, those make me feel really good. Do you have to do those things? No. I’m just telling you, this is what makes me feel really good. Before I go, I also have a basic plan in my head, like how do I think that I want this to go? Do I want to get an appetizer? Do I don’t want to do that? Is there anything else that feels unanswered in my head? 

So I also tell myself, hey, listen, you know how you want this to go? Everything is a hundred percent your choice. So even, like, choosing the restaurant if it’s a restaurant I don’t really want to go to, then I see is it your choice to go? Did you say you didn’t want to go or are you like, hey, everybody else is going to have a good time. It’s so fun for the rest of my family to go. I’ll just figure it out but I don’t feel like a victim. And that is one thing that has made me stress eat in the past is to feel like a victim, nobody wants my voice and so just recognize that whatever restaurant we get, we’re going to it is my choice. Because I literally don’t have to go and I also make sure that I do want to go out to eat because if I don’t want to go out to eat and my husband says, do you want to go? I don’t say yes if I really don’t want to go because I don’t like to go out to eat more than once a week, maybe twice. All right, so at the restaurant some things that helped me is I asked for an extra plate and that way, when the food comes, I can plate it and eat the portion that I want. I don’t do that all the time, but it does help.

I make sure that I order what I want so I don’t feel any pressure to order food that I don’t want to order. So for example, if other people want to order a lot of appetizers or appetizer’s period that I don’t want to eat, I will just say, oh, I don’t want any of that or I won’t have that. Or I found myself even with my husband letting him know ahead of time. You know what I’ll probably have like four pieces of that. So then we can decide, do we want to order it or not? But I’m just really honest with myself and the person I’m with. 

Okay, now when the food comes I eat slowly and I breathe so if I notice that I’m eating quickly, I’ll just pause and breathe. I may choose if I ordered an extra plate to put my food onto a different plate. Mostly that’s really helpful in Mexican restaurants. When I find the portions are just like over the top. If not, what I can usually do is to separate the portion of food that I do want to eat and the portion of food that I want to take home. When I first got my plate, Oh, if my husband and I go to eat Indian food, which is served family style, I always get an extra plate so I can play my own food.  

So I just relax and I enjoy it and I’m totally fine taking my meal home. And I get excited. Oh, I get to enjoy this two times. Okay, so that’s what I do, what I don’t do if I don’t stuff myself and I don’t tell myself lies like, oh, it’s a special occasion. I’ll never get this food again, because I can find that restaurant eating there’s still something in my brain that makes it feel like it’s special. But you guys, like in the United States, at least, we eat out a lot and I literally could eat out every night if I wanted to. So don’t tell myself, oh, it’s only this one, it’s a special occasion.  

I might not be with my husband all the time. But that can be special and it doesn’t have to be that I stuffed myself for it to be special. I don’t rush and I don’t let myself feel pressure. If I feel pressure I calm down and I breathe and I ask myself, gosh, what is this? And I might even have to take a break and go use the restroom just to calm down.  It’s just interesting, sometimes pressure can come out of the blue. It might be with a conversation that someone’s having if I’m with more than just my husband, oh, it could even be with my husband. But I just don’t like to eat while I’m feeling pressure, because then I’m usually not calm and I’m really not enjoying the food anyway.  

Okay, ways that I can ask for help or make this easier. I can be honest where I actually want to eat, like I also said, bring my own food. This is my own bread, my own chip substitute, and my own sauces that I like. And then finally, how am I going to talk to myself? I’m going to say, listen, Denise, you are the one who puts your head on your pillow at night. That reminds me that even if I’m feeling pressure, I’m the one that has to live with my choices. And I don’t want to do that to myself. I say, Denise, you can have more tomorrow, right? So you can just bring it home. I say, I’m not going to stuff you, we don’t have to feel overstuffed. That doesn’t feel good. I’m not going to do that too. 

I also like to say I’m learning what’s enough so I check in with myself. I also say there’s no need to rush. So now I want to share with you my migraine protocol and what I was finding is that when I was getting a migraine, I would plan my food at the beginning of the day. But then, when I would get a migraine I would want to change my meal plan to the food that I crave when I don’t feel well and it just felt like a lot of mind drama. So I thought, hey, I’m going to create a protocol that says when I get a migraine. This is what I do and it really helps because I was having a lot of mind chatter, not only with the food but also my migraines could either last 20 minutes or half a day. And so what I was doing was trying to push through them and not canceling appointments when I really needed to cancel them, or I was waiting to the last minute to cancel them. 

So it just created a more  clear protocol that just made sure I was taking care of myself. So here’s my migraine protocol. The minute a migraine comes on, I clear my calendar for the next two hours. I take two ibuprofen, I get water and I go lay down. And I have these electrolytes that I like to drink and usually I like to have one a day. I try to limit myself to one mostly just because of the cost. And I don’t want to get dependent on having flavoring in my water, but I say I will allow extra electrolytes on these days. I also created my go-to meals and I encourage you, if you have unexpected illnesses, whether they’re headaches, nights that you don’t get enough sleep or you have an auto-immune disorder that has unpredictable days, the kinds of foods that you crave on those days. 

So just create a meal plan for the foods that you want to be eating those days so that you feel good about them. It really will remove so much mind drama and if, when you don’t get enough sleep, you want to have chocolate than planned chocolate. Don’t plan more than would make you feel good, but plan enough so that you don’t have any mind drama. Okay, so that’s what I’m going to do. What am I not going to do? I’m not going to push through. I’m not going to believe that I’m missing an opportunity, which can really happen sometimes especially if I have work appointments, I think, oh no, I have to be there or it’s all going to fall apart. I’m just not going to believe that. I’m not going to believe that the Lord wants me to not take care of myself and is going to rip an opportunity that he wants for me out from underneath me by allowing a migraine.  

I’m just not going to do that. And that’s why I am very firm in saying I clear my calendar for the next two hours and I go lay down. I’m not going to overeat. I’m not going to apologize all over myself. I’ll apologize, I’m sorry I have this migraine but I’m not going to apologize all over myself, which just drains my energy even more. I’m also not going to believe that I caused it. What did I do to cause this, and I start going into this whole thing like, oh, I brought this on myself. Now that might be very true, I mean to the point that I have a. Migraine prevention protocol. That’s essentially, I have to watch how much caffeine I have, I need to make sure I’m hydrated, I need to make sure that I get enough sleep. And I just know that I need those things otherwise, I’m setting myself up for a migraine, but once I get the migraine, I’m not going to shut all over myself. I should have done this, I should have done that. Hey, listen, we’re here now. It is time to take care of me. And I’m also not going to worry, this is so funny, I had to put this in here. I’m not going to worry that my dog is not getting enough attention, it’s funny. But I really feel like I had to write that in there. Okay, ways that I can ask for help or make this easier. I can call a friend or family member to drive my kids. 

Cause you guys, when I get a migraine, it is not safe for me to be on the road. So I would need to find backup and have someone drive my children. And I would also, I could probably create a list of go-to meals for my kids. They’re 14 and 17 now, so I can  be like, hey guys, can you just find something for dinner? So you don’t put the pressure on myself to feed my kids because they can feed themselves. How am I going to talk to myself? I’m going to say, hey, Denise, you know what you do? Pull out your migraine protocol. You know how to take care of yourself, this is okay. It is okay. All right, so that’s my migraine protocol. 

A couple other ones that I really wanted to share with you that I thought were super important, this one of driving my son late at night. Now my husband and I as our kids are older, and aren’t drivers yet, they have later activities. Now I told you it’s really important for me to get sleep so that I don’t get a migraine, but it’s also important for me to get sleep because I get so sleepy at night and I can be really grumpster about driving at night. And I found that what happened that evening. And it was at the beginning of my son’s basketball season and we were just getting into the season. And what had happened was I didn’t ask my husband to take my son or to pick up my son at eight o’clock at night but I was hoping he would offer and he didn’t offer. And so I found myself being grumpster, and resentful. 

And I thought, oh, this is not good. And I did a little writing on it and I realized that I was having lots of thoughts. So I want to give you a little background story in case you can relate to these thoughts. I was thinking, oh, I don’t get to have my time. Okay, I’m saying it with a childlike voice, but it’s really true these were just what was going on in my head. I don’t get to have my time, and then I realized, because Denis you’re running yourself so busy during the day. You’re filling up your day and any free time that you’re having you’re working through it. I was like, oh, no wonder. I feel like I don’t have my time. The truth is that you need to create space for yourself during the day. Okay, so that was interesting that I learned that from this grumpster driving my son late at night.  

So it was feeling really much like a victim like I have to do it all myself, nobody cares about what I need. And I’m going to go through this. If you guys have heard my podcast on being your own weight loss coach when I have the thought, I shouldn’t have to do this no one cares what I need and I spin out on the negativity of how no one cares what I need. I’m being left out. And so I’m grumbling as I’m picking up my son, what I’m not doing is I’m not being present to him. I’m not seeing how this actually is an opportunity and is a choice. I’m not appreciating all the other things that my husband does for me. I’m not even noticing that I didn’t even ask for help. I wasn’t even building me up as a mom to be like, hey, listen, I know you’re tired, but this is so great that you’re going out. 

I’m not seeing how that is a win, so pretty much, I am just making myself a victim here. And I was like, this is crazy, Denise, this is crazy. This is not how you want things to go. So again, I realize that going into the season, this basketball season, or frankly driving kids late at night for anything in late at night, for me means anytime after dinner, that I was feeling like it wasn’t my choice, but I want to see where is my choice. Remember, so we’re going into these protocols deciding how do we want to show up for that? And I wanted to show up calm. I wanted to show up feeling loved. I wanted to show up feeling present and cared for so I made this little protocol on how I would be handling this evening driving my son. 

First of all, I would look at the week and my husband and I can decide who’s driving who, and when. I’ve also decided that I’m going to be present to my son when he is in the car. I’m also going to use that drive time to enjoy prayer, maybe a podcast that I wanted to  listen to. Just having a conversation with the Lord being very intentional on how this drives time by myself to go get my son is an opportunity. And then when I’m waiting in the car, I’m going to go ahead and bring my evening sheets so I can review my day. Do some journaling, maybe even do some reading that I’ve been wanting to do. And before I go I’m going to plan time so I can put on my jam jams and wash my face. I usually don’t have to walk in to any place to get my son, so that I am really comfortable. So by the time I get back with my son, I can just go ahead and hop right into bed. I’m going to be positive. I’m going to be kind and tender and loving to everyone, to him, to myself. I’m going to build myself up. I’m going to talk to myself, see, did he say no? You’re tired, but it’s totally fine. We’re going to go get this monkey. You’re going to have some nice conversation with them. You’re gonna talk to him about his basketball practice. You’re going to create that bond with him. There’s so many unseen graces here and also remind myself, Denise there’s only a few more years you’ll be driving him, He’s 14 pretty soon, he’s going to be driving himself.  

And so this protocol that I created did not fit the, what am I going to do and not do? How can I make it easier? And how am I going to talk to myself? I didn’t lay it out. I just did this on a scrap piece of paper, so this is really on a notebook piece of paper that I’m reading to you. But I also did put on the side here, what am I not going to do? I’m not going to stew and spin out negativity. I’m not going to believe I’m a victim and that it’s not my choice. I’m not going to believe that I’m alone, you guys, the Lord is always with us. He always wants to talk to us. I’m not going to believe that this isn’t exactly what I need; how do I know that being in this car at this moment, driving my children isn’t the best thing for me?

It might be the best thing for me, from me, so that just really reframes my brain on how special that time is with my son, and again, like I said, I’m going to talk to my husband.  And we’re going to lay out the weekly schedule so that we also know who’s picking up who and when so increasing that communication. Okay, I’m going to keep going here because there’s two more protocols that I think are really helpful.  

So the first one is a protocol that I created when I feel like I need time to myself if I’m just not ready to be around other people or if I’m not feeling well, and that could be physically, emotionally or I just need some solitude. And I came up with this protocol because I was finding, I was having so much mind drama of being away from my family. I was feeling so much guilt, I shouldn’t be this way. But again, It’s a vulnerable situation where I can tend to stress eat or feel down and this was a common occurrence, common enough that I want to have a protocol and it feels like it comes out of nowhere. So that I knew how I wanted to talk to myself and how I wanted to take care of myself.  

So the things that I will do, I will take my journal to bed, I will set a timer for 20 or more minutes, I will make arrangements with my family like I might say, hey guys, I just need some time by myself if I need to sometimes they don’t even care, they don’t even notice I’m gone. I will do some journaling, look at some self-coaching models if I want, maybe I’ll just lay there, I’ll be kind and loving to myself and tender,  I’ll be curious what the Lord wants to reveal to me, I’ll be honest with my needs and know that I’m called to know something. The Lord allowed this feeling, although it’s uncomfortable for me and I don’t feel great because I love feeling up and energetic, but I know sometimes he needs me to feel weak, he needs me to depend on him; he’s calling me closer to him.  

Like I said, I’m going to go to bed with my journal and my water; I’m going to get comfy; listen to some music and I’m just gonna allow myself to feel my feelings; be open to experimenting; be honest; I’m going to read this list of things that I’m reading to you; I’m going to have the thought, hey it’s okay I just need some time, it’s okay to pause, it’s okay to pause until you’re ready. Until you’re ready, I just don’t want to put more pressure on myself. You’ll know when you’re ready. What I’m not going to do is I’m not going to make it mean anything. I’m going to say to myself, hey, listen, Denise, this is one point in time that the Lord is calling you to just stop. He’s allowing this for you to grow. I’m not making it mean oh, I’m so depressive I brought this on myself. 

I’ll never get out of this. I’m just not making it mean anything. This is one point in time when you’re feeling like this and these feelings might go away in 10 minutes. I’m not going to worry about others’ perception or their opinions or their judgments. Essentially, I’m going to follow this protocol. I’m going to be kind and tender and loving to myself. 

I’m not going to say, you should do this, you have to do this. There’s just no, have to, I’m just not going to pressure myself when I’m not feeling well and that could just be emotionally. I’m just needing some time by myself. Okay, so I love that protocol, that just feels like a huge hug and then finally, the last protocol that I wrote was for social engagements. 

I wrote this one over the holidays and I wrote it because with social engagements, as an introvert, there is before, during and after things. If I do, I feel so much more peaceful so I wrote this in the format that I told you, which is, what am I going to do? Or what am I not going to do? What is it I can ask for help and how I’m going to talk to myself? All right, so here’s how it goes, what am I going to do? First of all as an introvert, going into big social events and big, several hours. That I need to have quiet time scheduled before and after. Like I said, I’m an introvert, which means that my energy is replenished in solitude. That doesn’t mean that I don’t love being around people. It just means that it’s the place that I’m contributing my energy and so I always like to go as best I can into social situations as filled as I can and my energy replenished. 

And I know what that means to be in solitude and it usually means putting it around my house just not feeling any pressure, that doesn’t mean that I’m not working, that doesn’t mean that I’m not even like cleaning my house or doing laundry or doing the things that have to be done but I’m not unnecessarily expending energy doing them and then I’m allowing myself to really have some yummy Phillip time, which usually means journaling for me.  

And then I also like to plan time afterward knowing that, listen, hey, we can get through this, we’ve got that our plan tomorrow, or maybe even directly after the social event. I’m going to write a plan going into a social event of what I’m going to eat. I’m also going to pack my own food, like I do at restaurants so that there are supplemental things and I have been known at social events to call the venue ahead of time to find out what the food will be if I really want to know, I’ve called weddings. I’ve called banquet halls, I’ve called people who are hosting events and asked them what the meals are. I don’t mind drama doing that, it just helps me take care of myself. I’ve even been known to pack, cut up chicken breasts or cut up avocado and put them in Ziploc bags and put them in my purse just to ensure that I have enough food that I feel good about eating with me or I will bring a dessert substitute. Nobody knows once it’s on your plate. 

No one’s watching you and if they are, I’ll say, oh yeah, I brought this or I’ll say, yeah, I have some food sensitivities and that’s it. I have no problem packing my own food. That doesn’t mean I’m bringing a lunch box and it’s usually stuck in my purse. And I have been known to also not eat that food and find it like a day or two later, which is super gross, okay, I will also prepare an evening snack before I go. So that when I get home, I can have that totally optional, but it does help me. No, I don’t have to eat all the food here because I have a really pleasant snack that I can enjoy when I get home and snacks I’ve had in the past that are exciting to me, are things like a mug cake or like a special yogurt or pudding that I make.  

What I’m not going to do, I am not going in without a plan and I’m not going to hang out in my kitchen after the social event, it is go in the kitchen. Get your plan snack and leave hanging out in the kitchen is no bueno for me. Also, spending time with my husband after an event. I’m not going to worry about that if we want to spend time together before an event, we can, but after I really just need to allow myself to be alone. And so I said, what I’m not going to do is I’m not going to worry about spending time with him after that doesn’t mean I’m not going to, it’s just, if I find that I’m warring or shitting on myself, thinking, oh, you should go do this. I’m just not going to do that. So wait, I can ask for help and make this easier. Is that I can make my stack ahead of time. I can set my jammies out before I leave for the event. I can create a model with a thought of what I’m going to say to myself, although I do have a couple of thoughts that I like to say while I’m there. I can also address any specific obstacles that I expect at that event. Like sometimes there’s maybe a person that will be at the event that I don’t get along with, which that’s usually not the case or maybe I’ll find that I’m getting bored at an event so I can address those situations beforehand. How am I going to talk to myself? I’m going to remind myself.  

You can do anything for four hours, five hours. You can do this, don’t worry about it. You can get through this. Denise, you are such a gift to this event. Hey, they need you, where can you shine? The Lord’s light. I can even say, oh, Denise, I love you. You’re so amazing at taking care of me, thank you, let’s just have some fun, no, I’m here you’re safe. If you need to take a break, that’s totally cool. So you guys, these are protocols. I know I gave you a lot, but I want you to see how, when you identify situations that are vulnerable, that caused you to stress eat, where you just don’t feel like your bright and shiny self.

You can plan ahead and come up with some simple ways that your life can feel so much more enjoyable. This is part of getting through the ups and downs of life without food. This is one of the tools that you can use to get through the ups and downs of life without food. You can totally do this on your own, but our 30 day challenge starts today.  And you can get  in on a 30 day level one challenge where you can learn the foundations of the Weight Loss with the Holy Spirit program. Learn how to get through the ups and downs of life without stress eating and learn to eat the foods that you love while you lose weight; without guilt. It’s amazing! So  join our challenge weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com. All right, everybody have a blessed day.