Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. So what I’ve identified with regard to things that sabotage weight loss are four spiral types, and there might be many, but these are the four common spiral types that really sabotage women’s weight loss efforts. Like, things might be going well, and then this happens, and it throws you off.

And those four spiral types are someone else’s comments, the scale wanting to just be perfect and being stuck in that binge restriction cycle. And a couple weeks ago, I did a podcast on the binge restriction cycle, and you can learn all about that. And today I’m going to be talking about the comment spiral type.

If you don’t know what your spiral type is, you can go to weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com. We’ve got a free two-minute quiz over there, and you can find out what your spiral type is. And what’s cool is I find that these are hidden spiral types, and then the more you can understand them, the more you learn about them, the more you’ll know yourself, and then they won’t be as hidden, and you will see them coming. 

And the other thing is you will probably identify with more than one spiral type. I really identify with the binger restrictor spiral type, but today I also really identify with the comment spiral type. And I think this is very common for women who would label themselves as people pleasers. 

And me being a recovered chronic people pleaser, I can see that I still have these tendencies to be thrown off by people’s comments. So what is the comment spiral type? Well, it’s for women who are triggered by other people’s words, by what other people are saying or what they’re not saying. 

So it could be a comment, some sort of remark about your weight or an offhand comment maybe about what you’re eating, something maybe from a holiday dinner that you’re just still replaying months and months later. It’s also what people are not saying in the silence. 

Maybe you’ve been working really hard on a project  and you were really hoping that somebody would notice, maybe your husband, your friend, your mom. Somebody and nobody said a word. Maybe you spent hours making this beautiful dish to take to a potluck and nobody even said it was good. 

But it doesn’t matter if somebody says something or doesn’t say something, the thing is that it happens all the same. You continue to replay it over and over and over in your brain. You imagine what it meant, you wonder what people are thinking about it, and you can’t let it go. 

And when that builds up and builds up and builds up, that amount of stress is one of the things that can lead you to eat You will know if this is you if someone commented about your body or a picture of you, and it could be years or even decades ago, and you still remember exactly what they said, how you felt, where you were standing. You could have had a really great week.

And then maybe you have a family gathering on a Sunday dinner, and someone says something a little offhand that didn’t really land well with you, and then you go home and you eat all the things. Maybe you work out and eat really well hoping that someone’s noticing that you’re trying. Waiting for them to give you a, “Atta boy, atta girl,” and they don’t notice.

You get what I’m saying. Somebody says something, you know this has happened, and it just sticks in your brain. You spend so much mental energy imagining what they might be thinking, what they meant by that. And then if you’re like me, then you would go angry eat. I’m gonna eat. I’m gonna show them. Isn’t that funny? Angry eat.

So now I’m gonna turn the podcast to some deeper truths that I have learned about myself, and they may land for you. And I don’t say any of this to be critical. I say this so that you can understand this, and I say this with so much love.

And what I understood about myself was that I would get so turned inside and outside and so agitated and so upset by what someone said or someone didn’t say, because I was finding so much of my worth, and I valued myself based on how others viewed me. I couldn’t find worth in myself, so I would use other people.

And my brain found so much safety and comfort in other people’s approval, so I was always chasing and striving and chasing and striving to get noticed, to be seen, to feel appreciated and loved and valued to the point that I would overextend myself. Or it felt so scary that someone could – be disappointed in me that I would chase and strive and chase and strive and overextend myself to avoid – feeling that feeling of rejection or disappointment.

I so badly needed someone else’s approval to feel okay and good enough. I was making someone else’s approval, human approval, a false God. I’m gonna say that again. I was making human approval a false god, including my own approval of myself, ’cause I’m human. 

And I had so many rules on the way that I should be, on the way I should act, on the way I should look, on the things I should accomplish. And you guys, I see you do it too. You believe that you’ve gotta get through this to-do list to be okay.

We’ve gotta eat these right foods to be okay. We’ve gotta look a certain way to be okay. I have to have a certain personality type to be okay to get approval. And I had so many rules that I put on myself. And I was chasing human approval by other people. 

And human approval had become a false god for me. Isn’t that so interesting? Isn’t that such an interesting way to look at it? And I understand why I understand that there’s a part of me that needed other people to say things, but the only reason I wanted them to say things is because when they said things, I would feel a certain way. Let’s talk about that.

When people say things that are nice, we feel seen, appreciated, valued, important, loved, special. That’s the only reason we want them to say things. And in our community, I really try to help women be able to do those things for themselves so that they can feel seen, appreciated, known, important, special without needing someone else to say something, that they can do that themselves. 

And one of the most damaging things about these hidden spiral types is the truth is that they are keeping us overweight because I truly believe you can eat any food and be at a healthy weight. But food that you’re eating to feel a certain way or to not feel a certain way is what will keep you overweight. 

And it’s the same reason why we want someone to comment or say certain things about us so that we feel a certain way or we don’t feel a certain way. I wanted to feel important, special, seen, appreciated. I did not wanna feel abandoned and rejected and disapproved of.

And a lot of times that’s when we have those comments or not have those comments, that then we turn to food so that we feel seen, appreciated, special, important, valued Or so that we don’t feel rejected, abandoned, disapproved of. 

And so when you can understand what’s happening with this spiral type and really the root of it, you start to shed God’s light into that, and you can start to be released from that. Recognizing that you’re making a false god out of someone else’s approval, that’s interesting. Gosh, nobody wants to do that.

And I don’t say that to shame you. I just think it’s very intriguing to start opening our brain to say, “Ooh, gosh, I only want to use God as the way that I value myself.” And we can start bridging that gap. And then also recognizing that we’re making someone else’s comments mean something about us. 

But the truth is that we only believe what someone else says if we already believe it somewhere inside of us. So if somebody said, “Denise, I hate your pink hair,” I would think they were a lunatic because I don’t have pink hair. And it’s just absolutely not true. It’s not true at all. 

And if somebody said to me, “Denise, you speak horribly when you try to speak French.” That wouldn’t bother me either because I don’t know how to speak French. Or they might say, “You are a horrible violin player.” 

And again, I have never taken a violin lesson in my life. I don’t even… I kinda know how to hold it. So just know that when someone says something and it triggers you, it’s likely because you’re already believing it about yourself. And isn’t that great news? It’s just so great news to know, oh, that’s why it stings. 

And the other cool part is that the only reason you believe something, I’m gonna blow your brain now, is not because it’s true. It’s because you have had a thought and you’ve thought it and practiced thinking it over and over and over and over and over that it becomes one of those truths in your brain. It’s just a very practiced and well-worn pathway in your brain. 

A belief is simply a thought that you’ve practiced thinking many times. I’m gonna say that again. A belief is just a thought that you have practiced thinking many times. Unless God says it’s true or unless it can be proven in a court of law, it’s not true. You can believe it’s true, but know that it’s just a thought that you think is true. 

Let me give you an example. I think I’m not a great cook. I wouldn’t say I’m a horrible cook, but I’m not a great cook. That’s not even, like, who could prove that? That is such an opinion. That’s not even a fact, but I believe it’s true. Does God say it’s true? No. Can you prove it in a court of law? No. Is it a helpful thought for me? I’m not a great cook. I don’t feel great when I think it. 

So my point is that you can have thoughts that you think are true, like I think I’m not a great cook, and until that thought creates enough pain in my life, I’m not a great cook, I’m gonna keep thinking it. I know as a mindset coach, I can change that thought. 

Well, actually one thought that I really love about my cooking is I think I’m a great cook to me. I think I’m an amazing cook. Like, ’cause I love everything that I cook. But I guess my husband doesn’t really like my cooking. But the point is, until a thought becomes so painful, you may not be willing to change it, and that’s okay.

But know that people’s comments about you will only sting, will only trigger you if you already believe them about yourself. But there is a way out of these comment spirals. And what will be amazing is when you are living without feeling the power of these comments to spiral you out, to sabotage your weight loss. 

I mean, you’ll be able to sit at a family dinner with your family. No one’s changed. They’re saying the same things. They’re saying the same things to you, and it just doesn’t twirl around in your brain. You’re able to say, “Oh, that’s Uncle So-and-So. He’s doing his thing. He always does that.” 

And it’s not that you don’t care what people think, it’s just that they’re not a god to you. What they say or don’t say is not a measure of your worth or your value. You see that, people’s words I like to use the concept of handing back over to other people what is theirs. 

So what other people say, whether it’s about you or something else, that is theirs. It’s their words, and we give that back to them. They’re the only ones that understand the meaning. What is yours is you heard it, and you get to decide what you do with that. What do you want to make that mean? 

Do we want to make it mean  they had a bad day? Do we wanna make it mean, “Yeah, they’re right. I am lazy”? You get to decide what you make it mean. But when you’re free of that, then you take care of you. You can validate you. You feel seen and appreciated.  

And we don’t need to chase other people’s comments. And if they don’t comment, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re able to affirm and validate yourself. You can see that God knows you tried your best. And when they do say something, you learn how to process that sting. But it doesn’t need to ruin your day. You get to decide what you do with that comment. 

And you get to decide if you want to address it with that person. If you want to calmly, not in the moment, but out of the moment, if you wanna say, “Wow, that really hurt me,” you can have a conversation with somebody. What I want you to see is that you have options that aren’t eating over it. Because eating food because of what someone says or doesn’t say helps nothing. 

So let’s review what your options are. Someone says something, it may sting, you process the feeling, you breathe through it. You get to decide what you make their comment mean. If you find that it is something that you want to address with someone, you address it out of the moment. 

Why? Because when you’re triggered, you’re in a stress response. You cannot respond logically. You cannot have a calm conversation, and likely if you are triggered, then the other person will enter into a stress response and be triggered, and everyone’s defenses go up and nothing is solved.

So let me review. If someone says something or doesn’t say something,  number one, you allow your body to experience whatever feeling that you’re having, process it. It takes about three minutes to process it, and you can listen to my podcast on processing emotions. Number two, you decide what you want to make it mean. And how you want to think about what they said.

Number three, is to create unity with another human. If it’s something that you want to address with another human, you do it when you are calm and can approach them calmly. Isn’t it incredible? 

We just have so many beautiful tools and so many ways to deal with our humanness. I really feel like that’s what we get to do on this earth, is truly just walk around, walk around, walk around, see where our peace is being stolen, and address it See where our peace is being stolen and address it.

And use real tools so that we can handle life and cope with life in a way that I think God really would love that. I think he would love for us to feel an emotion, allow ourselves to feel an emotion. I think he would love for us to steward the way our brains work and decide what we’re going to make it mean, because you can control your thoughts.

I think he just absolutely loves when we steward our humanness and our thoughts like that. So If we need to address something with someone, I think that he would love us to do that head-on with love and gentleness. I don’t think any of that would not bear amazing fruits. Way more fruits than like I used to do, which was angry eat or disappoint eat. 

And that never got me feeling any better, and it never resolved any issues. So if you find yourself that you are triggered by someone’s comments or their lack of comments, then you might be a spiral type, and I hope this podcast has helped you understand that more, as well as give you a couple tools on what you can do instead.

And if you haven’t taken the quiz, go to weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com and take that two-minute quiz. I think it will be really enlightening to you. Okay, everybody, at Weight Loss with the Holy Spirit, remember that we keep God our God, not the scale, not our pant size, not the magic food plan. We keep God our God.

Have a blessed day.