Because this state of waiting for someone to give you permission to do or say, or be or rest is what is adding to your exhaustion is what is adding to your self-doubt is what is adding to your overthinking. Waiting for permission and we’ll just talk about two today to rest or to say no and trust yourself. Let’s just talk about those two big permissions. 

The permission that you are waiting for is often from someone else, but guess what? You can give yourself that permission. So often we haven’t realized that we can just give ourselves that permission, and that’s what’s keeping us from doing that. Gosh, for years and years, I struggled silently for this. 

And I remember, oh gosh, you guys, even when I was early on married, I felt like I had to call my husband to ask him for permission from something. And I thought, that is ridiculous, Denise. We are not doing that. But that’s what comes from chronic people pleasing from chronic self-doubt. And I know I’m not the only one that was struggling with that. 

Now. It often looks very responsible. This sort of waiting, waiting for permission. It looks like we’re put together and we’re organized on the outside, but it’s this internal, somewhat of a prison that used to keep me stuck in hesitation and self-doubt. Stuck in not allowing myself to rest or stuck in not trusting that what I know deep down is best to say no or even yes.

So here’s what’s crazy is that I didn’t even realize that the suffering that I was experiencing from pursuing another person’s permission from pursuing somebody else’s approval and validation was optional.

I literally didn’t know it was optional. I thought it was necessary, and it was, I mean, my nervous system really needed that for me to feel safe and secure. I didn’t consider that I could even give myself permission to rest. I didn’t consider, I could give myself permission to say no or to trust my own decisions without having someone else’s validation. 

But over time, with God’s grace, he has mostly healed me of that distorted dependency on other people. But even when I tell my story, I say the Lord has freed me from binge eating over drinking and chronic people pleasing. I just had this distorted dependency on other people.

And one of the biggest aspects of that healing came when I learned that I could simply look to the Lord instead of waiting to be affirmed by someone else, that I could simply be obedient and docile to the Lord’s prompting, not someone else.

So let’s talk about you. Are you living as though someone else must authorize your choices? Think about that. Do you hesitate? Do you live in self-doubt? Do you overthink your own decisions? I want you to know that you can give yourself that permission. This is permission that God has already given you.

But when we feel we have to wait for someone else, we feel stuck. A part of you knows what you need and wants, and you can trust that, but then there’s this other part that waits for validation for me, that waiting part conditioned by years of shoulds and internal rules that I believed would keep me safe and good enough.

And living that way felt like driving with the parking brake on, I was expending so much energy, but I couldn’t move forward. Can you relate to that? My nervous system was on high alert and my mind was constantly scanning for danger and how to not make a mistake.

On the outside. I totally looked all put together, but internally I was waiting to be corrected and criticized silently, wishing that someone would just say, no, you’re okay. It’s all right. Like, just give me this permission and this approval. Can you relate to that? 

I want you to know that there’s nothing wrong with you if you find yourself that way. This is a pattern that is conditioned,  so when we’re younger, we rely on external permission from parents, teachers, and different authorities to just teach us the right way.

And you guys do that all for your own kids or younger people. You teach them how to do things in a real loving and kind way, and that is so healthy and necessary, totally normal. But as we mature emotionally, we are meant to become that authority within ourselves with a very formed conscience. So we sort of grow up out of needing our parents to tell us right from wrong, because we know it ourselves.

But if that transition doesn’t happen or if it only partially happens, which means that we’re not emotionally maturing in a developmentally safe way or something interrupts that, then we can continue to look outward and external of ourselves for safety and worth. And we can do that with other people. We can do it in finding validation with our jobs. We can do it in finding validation with our bodies or our weight. We can do it in overdoing and overt tasking.

It’s so apparent when we wait to rest until we feel like we earn it, where we hesitate to speak honestly or state our own needs. I see this all the time in our community where we over-task and overextend ourselves out of guilt or obligation and call that service or sacrifice, or we do it to prove to ourselves and secretly to other people that we’re good enough and that we’re productive enough and we’re worthy enough.

And this distorted belief often reinforces this. That ambition means doing more, that resting is lazy and caring for your needs is selfish. I just wanna say that one more time so that you see how that may be true for you, but it is not the truth of the Lord. These are distorted beliefs. These are lies. That ambition means doing more. Resting is lazy, and caring for your needs is selfish. 

That is not at all what the Lord would say to you. What is aligned with his truth is recognizing that the Holy Spirit lives in you. What is aligned with God is allowing his guidance to prompt you to what he wants, that you are good enough in his eyes, and trust yourself. You can trust what he’s prompting. He wants balance and peace in your life, not chaos and overt tasking.

You see what permission really feels like. Permission doesn’t feel chaotic or rushed. It feels slow. It feels peaceful, like a deep exhale or sinking into a comfortable chair. You’ll feel your body and breathing Settle down. Your soul will feel still and connected.

This is where you’re making God your God again, not chasing approval, other people’s validation, chasing your worth, and you feel safe in his arms. Safe with the Lord regardless of anyone else.

One of the thoughts that helped me in this journey overcoming people, pleasing and looking for other people’s permission is the thought. I don’t make self-care decisions based on other people’s opinions or judgements. It’s those sorts of shifts that allow the Lord’s truth to sink into your heart, that bring healing, that bring peace, that bring clarity.

And that’s the healing power of Godly permission that comes from the Lord. Giving yourself the permission you have always had often leads to clear thinking, more energy and a more peaceful existence. And I can say that because I’m living that. This is cooperation with grace. 

Living in God’s truth rather than distorted beliefs, aligns our thoughts with his and helps us live the gospel truly to take every thought captive and obedience to Christ, which is two Corinthians 10:5. Giving yourself permission is agreeing with what God already wills for you. Peace, freedom, love, mercy. 

And I’m telling you, this is a key to many women being able to not use food  to rest, to take breaks, to allow themselves permission to take a break and not need food. And where I see it come up for a lot of women is when they sit down for a break or at the end of the day and they have their snack, and then they go back and have more snack and more snack and more snack. 

And truly what they really are probably trying to extend is not more food, but giving themselves permission that it’s fine to rest. They just haven’t conditioned their brain to being able to rest without food. It is a slow journey, but I promise you, when you start giving yourself permission in other areas, you will find that the Lord will come and heal those areas too. 

Permission is not a switch. It’s a skill that you learn and skills are learned over time. Remember, skills are things that you weren’t born knowing, but you can be taught them and you will get better at them the more you practice them. 

So each time you grant yourself permission and show your body that you’re safe, a new pathway in your brain will form. You will show yourself that it’s safe to rest. It is safe to trust yourself. It is safe to give yourself permission and know that it will feel a little uncomfortable at first, maybe for a long while. 

But you’re creating that new pathway in your brain, you’re connecting with the Lord, you are moving out of agreement with his enemy because you’ll start to feel more peace and more freedom. And slowly by slowly, a new normal develops a real freedom.

And so an easy way to start this is to simply ask yourself, what do you wish someone would give you permission to do? Or not do today and give yourself that permission. See what beauty unfolds. And this is just one way that we let God be our God again and not chasing someone else’s permission. The permission that the Lord has given you.