Denise: Hey everybody, so today, I have two of our alumni from 63 surrendered, and I am so grateful for them to share their experience. I have Dee and Abby with us. Dee. Can you tell us just a little bit about you before we talk about your experience? 

Dee: Sure. I have been retired now for six years. I was a secondary mathematics teacher and I’m 63. And I retired when my daughter found out she was expecting twin boys. And my husband had retired when she had our granddaughter.

And he had been home for three and a half years when I retired. And so we got our little guys up to kindergarten this year. And so now we’re. Supposedly in a slower pace of life, but I’m waiting for that day to occur.

Denise: Theoretically slower?

Dee: Yeah, theoretically. I taught for 34 years mostly in Cheyenne but also up in northern Wyoming for a few years. And since I was an AP calculus teacher, I also taught at the junior college level. I enjoyed teaching. It was a lot of fun. I enjoyed the kids but it was time to do something different.

And my daughter actually took over all of my teaching assignments. So that was a neat transition that we had. We have two children. My daughter is 30, almost 39, and my son passed away three years ago, but he would be 33 coming, 34 actually coming this next March. And we enjoy camping and hiking and fishing and water skiing.

We’re getting ready to go snow skiing this weekend for our first dash of winter weather and Christmas spirit in the mountains. And we’ll put the twins on their skis for the first time. So it’s a little bit about me.

Denise: Oh, that’s so fun. I love it. Abby, share a little bit with our audience about you.

Abby: Okay. My name is Abby and I’m in Indianapolis. I’ve been married for almost 18 years. I have a 9-year-old son and a 6-year-old daughter. I am a Catholic convert. I converted about seven years ago and that conversion was more of a head conversion. It was very intellectual. About a year ago I had more of a heart conversion and my life has just completely exploded in the best way possible ever since then, and God’s continuing to do amazing things.

Denise: Okay. What happened a year ago?

Abby: I moved to Indianapolis. I’m actually originally from Louisville, and I feel like God took me out of everything I was familiar with, put me somewhere else. And I live right down the street from our parish and our amazing parish.

And I’m there a lot. It is within walking distance and I was just a shakeup in the change that I needed to be where he needed me to be. Is probably a good way to explain it.

Denise: Yeah. So you moved a year ago to Indianapolis?

Abby: Yeah, it was about a year and a half ago, but yeah.

Denise: Okay. Yeah. Isn’t that so interesting how.

Abby: Yeah.

Denise: I want more of you and you gotta move.

Abby: For sure. He actually, the wonderful part about that is he moved me back into an area that I was born in, and I have a lot more family here than I did in Louisville. I know it’s been a wonderful blessing. I love the city too.

Denise: Oh, that is so fun. Oh, cool. Fun fact. All right, well, let’s dive into why we are all here about your experience with 63 surrendered. But first, let’s talk about what life was like before that. And so Dee, can you share with our audience your history with food and weight?

Dee: It is a rollercoaster of all the things. I think probably I. About age 11 between 11 and 12 is probably when I started the sneak and eat.

Denise: Yeah.

Dee: Whether it was grab a handful of my mom’s hidden stash of candy and run downstairs and gobble it up or it was always the family joke, but it probably wasn’t funny. My mom used to can a lot of things and one thing I really enjoyed was pickles.

And so if I was downstairs. Doing whatever. I remembered she had pickles there and I wouldn’t have to run up the stairs to sneak something to eat. I could just go into the pantry and I would open the jar and take out a pickle. But if I took out too many pickles, she would know. So I just alternated all the jars and by the time the winter was open, I had opened all the jars of pickles and of course that ruins them.

Denise: Yeah.

Dee: And I had eaten them. And so it started at a very young age and continued through a large portion of my life. By the time I was a sophomore in high school, I weighed probably about 155 pounds. And I’m five foot two and a half, so that’s a lot of girl. Then the end of my junior year, I started dating a young man.

So of course then it was, oh my gosh, I’ve gotta get all this weight off. So that started just crashing dieting. Then I had my wisdom teeth pulled and got infection and all the things. So that was. I just really dropped a lot of weight. I got down to 105 pounds when I went off to college. Of course that was high stress high anxiety.

I suffered from what everyone called a nervous Nelly. Anyway prior to college. And I ended up putting on the freshman 30. I was able to maintain that for. Quite a while until I had my kids and that pushed me up into the one eighties again.

And I bounced around somewhere between, one 50 and 175 probably for a number of years. And I went for my physical the year my daughter went off to college. And I came home and I told my husband, I said, I can’t keep doing this. You know, the older you get the harder it is to lose weight and at this rate I’m gonna be 500 pounds by the time I’m 70.

And so he helped a lot. We talked about. A lot like what you had talked about. You know, what do I do? I sneak things. I eat a meal while I’m cooking a meal. And so he was a great help and I was not nice to him in the process ’cause I took it out on him. Even though he was helping.

He started cooking dinner. He would plate the food. We’d clean up together to make sure I wasn’t snitching along the way. I learned to maybe balance until Joe died and, I lost a ton of weight over the couple months preceding his death and then a lot more after he died.

And then as those months went on and, working through grief and all of that, all of those food habits started again and the anxiety and depression and all of that. And then. Kind of like Bible in the year that flood it across my screen just one time. 63 surrendered splitted across my screen one time and I said I think I need to pay attention to this.

Denise: Yeah. Thanks Dee. Okay, Abby. Yeah. So tell our audience a little bit about your history with food and weight before 63. Surrendered.

Abby: So I didn’t really start having weight issues until I was probably about 19 years old. Before that, I feel like I ate what I wanted, but it was all within reason and I didn’t really think about food or my body and the size it was. Gosh, I miss those days.

But anyways so when I was 19, I had really low self-esteem for several different reasons, and I used carbs and sugar to deal with that and it was very unhealthy. It was definitely binge eating for sure. O

Over the years. I’ve tried different weight loss things and I’ve lost 20 pounds here and then gained it back, and I had two pregnancies through that time and my weight fluctuated up and down a lot, but nothing really ever stuck until now. Hopefully.

Denise: So your weight has fluctuated and how old are you now, Abby?

Abby: I’m 38. Okay. Yeah, so if it’s your weight is fluctuated up and down, what was your biggest struggle before you started? 63? Surrendered. Just, I’m a homeschooling mom and there’s food that’s a stressful thing and there’s food everywhere and there’s kids snacky things and the kids have a snack, I wanna snack too. And just old habits of using that food to either comfort or numb for different reasons.

Denise: Okay. Yeah. I heard you say Abby, that you had, you were like falling into the old patterns and eating. When they were snacky, and falling back into eating for comfort. And so you actually then pursued looking for something. Tell me about that. Something.

Abby: So I’ve been off social. Yeah, I’ve been off social media for probably about eight months now, so nothing was coming across the screen unless I was searching it out. But I was trying to figure out a way to bring Jesus into this area.

And because I mean, I’ve tried everything else. Nothing else worked, nothing else stayed long term. So I literally googled Catholic and weight loss and this popped up and I was like, oh yeah this is what I was looking for.

Denise: Awesome. Awesome.

Abby: Yeah.

Denise: And for you, Dee, you said it came, a 63 surrendered, came across your screen. And it came across your screen when you were struggling with what? With regard to food and weight.

Abby:I think I had identified obviously I’d identified there was a lot of anxiety around losing Joe. There was a lot of I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was, I find myself just pacing back and forth, like I didn’t wanna go downstairs, but I needed to go downstairs to get some things done and I stopped by the pantry on the way by. ’cause that would be. Fine. Just a quick snack.

And then I would grab something, run downstairs, go, oh, maybe I want a couple more run back upstairs. And one day I think it was on Facebook and it came across as a five day look at your behaviors.

Denise: Yeah.

Abby: And so I thought, okay, I recognize what I’m doing. I just can’t. Get myself to stop, and I’m, I was still attaching so much to losing. And the grief that maybe I was grief eating, ’cause that kind of consumes your life for a little bit of time.

And, still the kids are around and you’re trying to be really upbeat for them all the time. And then when they leave, boom, you know, what do I do? And so I tried that and the five days and marking how I felt and being present to myself.

Being present to my feelings and my emotions and the wheel of emotion that you have and digging down to, okay, well, I’m sad. Well, it’s more than sad, and you keep going, keep going and doing that. I think I did it like eight times a day and it just made me present to how much I was still hurting, even though I thought I was doing so much better. I wasn’t doing so much better.

And so then there was the invitation after those five days to join 63 Surrender. And I made a lot of excuses, oh, we’re gonna be gone this summer, we’re gonna be traveling. That won’t work if for the podcast. All the excuses. And I said I’ll revisit this again in September. August is a tough anniversary month.

And I was home alone. My husband had to go back to Wisconsin to take care of his mom and dad for a couple weeks, and I just crashed. And I’ve gotta do something different. This isn’t good emotionally. So it was really more about identifying emotionally and with what was going on. And labeling that even more than the eating part of it.

But the day of that I signed up, I had eaten half a gallon of ice cream and I don’t know. And I was like, I could usually eat and not get sick, but I had actually eaten to the point where I was ill and I said, that’s it. I’m signing up. Something’s gotta change.

Denise: Wow. Yeah. Oh my gosh. The Lord just meets us right in our desperation.

Abby: Absolutely.

Denise: And for those of you, we will link it in the podcast description, the five day challenge that Dee is talking about. It’s a five day weight loss challenge. And it truly helps you get at the root out of why you are eating.

Abby: Yeah.

Denise: By that simple activity of what do you feel? Isn’t that crazy? Just to stop?

Abby: Yeah. It really was.

Denise: Because of yourself. I was still in this broad, this has to be what it is and it takes time. And it’s three years. We talked to my doctor about it and she had all kinds of, well try a Keto diet, try this, try that.

And I was like, yeah, that’s gonna happen. That’s just not in my wheelhouse. And it, she said, we’ll really start worrying if you’re not coming out of this in three to five years. So I had this. Like Mark in my mind that okay, it’s, I’m still on track, but I wasn’t, because I couldn’t even identify what was bothering me anymore.

It was just a bundle of emotions and food made me feel better until it didn’t. So what was it D that made you and I think it’s. Very obvious, but I’ll ask the question that said yes to 63 surrendered instead of what your doctor was saying, keto or low carb or all that.

Abby: I just, I think through our grief journey we attached everything. To the Lord. I mean, even the day Joe died when Father came out, he said, I’ll come out, I’ll come out tomorrow morning and say mass for you.

And my husband said, no, we’ll be a day o’clock mass like we are every other week. You know that it won’t be pretty, but we’ll be there. And so the Lord was always present our life, but from that moment, he was front and center.

And I had never thought about putting the Lord front and center in other aspects of my life, and certainly not my eating because that’s me. I should be able to control that. That’s me just putting things in my mouth to put things in my mouth and I thought, oh my gosh. That is literally the only aspect of my life.

I don’t feel like the Lord should have to worry about. That’s all me. And I thought maybe that’s just not the case. Maybe this is as much a part of, I can’t shoulder that anymore than I can shoulder other things that are hard.

Denise: Amen. And for all of you, if that’s the only thing you take from this podcast, the Lord wants to be in every area of your life, every struggle.

Abby: Absolutely.

Denise: So Abby, when you went looking for Catholic weight loss and you saw us right away. What was it that made it important to you that whatever solution you would find would be Catholic?

Abby: I had tried more secular things and like I said, nothing had ever really lasted. And I was growing in my faith and it just seemed natural and I just wanted to bring Jesus into this. I just really didn’t know how.

But thankfully with these tools like the Morning Connect and the evening review and the Surrender Novena, all of those things have like really helped as well as being surrounded by other Catholic women that are trying to do the same thing.

Denise: Yeah. So since you joined 63 surrendered Abby what’s been, what was the biggest surprise for you?

Abby: I would have to say the biggest surprise. So alcohol was a really big issue for me. I was drinking quite a bit in the evenings and I guess it was probably. Early on in the fall 63 surrender, I just got the sense that Jesus was asking me to leave that behind and come follow him.

And he completely delivered me from that. Like my husband works in the alcohol industry and it’s very much in our home, and it was just a part of our life, but I was able to break away and just not care. And I’ve had no cravings. It’s the weirdest thing. And I’ve tried to do this before on my own, and I have been not very successful at all. But this is day 72, and the only alcohol I’ve had is the Eucharist.

Denise: Oh my gosh. That’s crazy.

Abby: Right. And I know it has to be him because I couldn’t do this myself. For sure. Yeah the other things that have actually been quite amazing, as well is the sugar in snacking and everything. It’s gotten a lot less.

And I feel like I can actually really control myself a lot more with candy in the house. Halloween was right in the middle of the 63 Surrender Group, and in years past, I would’ve eaten a lot of the Halloween candy and it would’ve been long gone by now. But my kids still probably each have a little under half of what. They ended up having from trick or treating, like we still have it. And it’s like pushing mid-December now.

Another amazing aspect of it too is I don’t get bogged down when I do mess up. It’s kind of easier to just move on and surrender it to Jesus and kind of make peace with it. And it wasn’t nearly as bad then. As it would’ve been before as well, if I ate off plan or ate more than I wanted. So there’s a lot less mental chaos around food.

Denise: Yeah. Oh, that’s awesome.

Abby: It’s really been quite a transformation.

Denise: Wow. Congratulations on not drinking too. I know. That’s huge. That is so huge.

Abby: Yes. Yes, I joined Christie Walker’s sober-ish advent program as well. And that’s been a great support too.

Denise: Oh, she’s so great. And we’ll link in the show notes too. Christie Walker and I did a podcast on all about alcohol, and she’s the Catholic sobriety coach. So she’s just fantastic. So we’ll put that in the notes too. Thanks, Abby. Dee, What have been the biggest surprises for you?

Dee: I think one of the biggest surprises is just the peace that I have. I have tools I’ve, early on I relied heavily on the breath and choose, and so when I would feel that anxiety, that would usually just go from.

I’m gonna go grab something quick. I could just breathe and say, no, you’re, it’s, you’re anxious, you’re upset, just, you’re fine. And then I could just move myself to what I wanted to do or move myself rather than going to find something to eat. So I think that was, there’s that sense of peace that I found.

And being able to like even navigate relationships, I can speak more calmly. I can walk away before I fly off the handle. And either, go like this or like this, whichever, the mouth or the mouth, either way. Either food or words. So that was huge.

I think the other piece was. Eating what Mark and I were eating together as a meal and not me having to go to something completely different. You know, if we were gonna have pizza that night, then we had pizza. I just had, maybe it was okay to have two little squares instead of four or five, and have a little salad instead of something else.

And I felt comfortable doing that because we were still having a meal together. So there was a lot of peace in that and just being aware of what was driving me to eat and knowing that it was okay to, all right I grabbed an extra cookie. Okay. Alright. Big deal. It was something you wanted. Not something you were using as a crutch. You don’t need it tomorrow.

And instead of going, well, yesterday I had two and I weighed myself and I only went up two tenths of pounds, so that’s okay. So maybe I can just have two cookies every day instead of one.

There was that sense that you’re not weighing yourself, you’re gonna hold yourself accountable with the Lord in your heart, in your mind, and you’re not gonna validate or invalidate what you’re doing. You’re not gonna be constantly measuring and testing yourself. Those were two really big important areas. For me.

Denise: Yeah, and I just wanna interject for the, maybe this is the first podcast that someone’s heard in 63 Surrendered. You get unconditional permission to eat any food. And so that gave Dee a lot of freedom that she could eat any food with her husband. The three food rules are that you eat and the food that you love in a way that feels peaceful and that works for your day. And so all food can go in those categories.

Dee: Yes.

Denise: And the other thing is that during your journey, we do not weigh and we don’t get on the scale because as Dee said I’m not going to validate or invalidate my work by stepping on the scale. And I set it up that way because I. Think that when we get on the scale it’s very distracting and we’re not focused then on our habits. We’re using the scale as a God. And that’s just not helpful.

Dee: Right.

Denise: Perfect. So, do I feel very much that way? Yeah. Because it keeps you focused on what really makes a difference.

Dee: Yes.

Denise: So what have been the top three highlights or results from your experience with 63 surrendered, and have you noticed any physical change?

Dee: I think the first physical change. Absolutely. When I first started, 63 surrendered Mark and I were just beginning to go for a walk in the morning. We’d drop the kids off. We don’t have littles in the house anymore.

And so we would, he said, we’re gonna, I’m gonna start walking. If you would like to join me, join me. And I had a zero, I had no. Strength. Like I just couldn’t, I had knee surgery 18 months ago and this last January, I had cervical surgery. I had three discs replaced.

But I was using that as an excuse and filling it with food. ‘Cause that was another area that just was reminding me of all the things that my life was changing. I had lost a child. I am getting older, I am falling apart. It was like, everything just was reminding me.

Denise: Yeah.

Dee: That life was not the same and it was never going to be the same in a bad way instead of a good way. And so with 63 surrendered that desire. To go out and walk a little bit, maybe ride the bike a little bit. That has just increased and increased and increased. Outside of the 75 mile an hour winds we’ve had the last two days, there’s no excuses.

If it’s cold, we bundle up. If it’s nice, it’s free game to what we wanna do. So that was the first thing. Shirts that were tops that were becoming too tight uncomfortable to wear pants that were uncomfortable to wear. I can put those on now. I did have to go on the scale ’cause I had to have my annual physical and at that point it was, first part of November, and I had lost seven pounds.

Denise: From the middle of September. To, okay, so six weeks.

Abby: Yeah. So in about six weeks I had lost seven pounds. And it was so gratifying that I did that without having to be validated that I was losing or not losing and that it was, I was doing things different because it felt good and not because something was telling me I had to, it felt fulfilling, it felt peaceful. It felt I don’t wanna say controlled, it just happened. It wasn’t like I was battling, this back and forth back and forth for control.

Me controlling the food, the food controlling me. It just happened and sitting down to do in the morning, I’d have a cup of coffee and the Lord and I would decide what I was gonna have for the day.

And then in the evening sitting down to after shower and relaxing, getting ready for bed what was good about the day. And that’s rewarding. What was good about today and what can I do better tomorrow? But not feeling like I ever failed.

Denise: Yeah.

Dee: Those were my big ones.

Denise: Yeah. It really is a program that allows you to get back to the natural alignment with the how the Lord wants you to feed yourself and talk to yourself, and it just is very gratifying and I think that all just comes from being in alignment with him.

Dee: I think so I just felt I’ve been a real creative Catholic, so there’s things sometimes that I think that you miss out on from converting to the faith. ’cause it’s just assumed you know it. And I think one of those is giving, surrender to the Lord for every aspect of your life.

You just, that seemed to be something that was missing in my journey, but I’ve always been devout, but having that sense that I can turn this struggle and it really is a struggle that impacts every relationship I have, every interaction I have every day that I can turn that over to the Lord and it doesn’t have to be. Something, you know, food is down here on the scale of crosses in my mind.

And then there’s all of the big things up here that’d be crosses. But for me, food’s a big cross and knowing that the Lord’s gonna has helped me and we’re working on it together, that provides so much peace and gratification.

Denise: Yeah. Yeah. How about for you, Abby? What have been your top three highlights or results and any physical change?

Abby: I would have to say just the mental liberation of just constant chaos and food chatter and just being able to moderate and I found out that I can. Eat the carbs and the sugar and in moderation and I can away from it. If I’m in a calm state, it’s not a total chaos food for me.

So just being able to do that, like a normal person has been amazing. And obviously the deliverance from alcohol is probably tops it.

Denise: Yeah.

Abby: I would also have to say their highlights are the coaching calls, the weekly coaching calls. I look forward to that every week when I know it’s the day. I just really excited. usually like, kind of busy as I’m doing that. I’m making lunch for the kids and all that stuff.

But, so I am, I’m usually pretty quiet on the calls, but whenever someone is being coached, it just helps so much. Every time I can like, relate to something that the woman’s talking about or an issue she’s having, I’m like, oh yeah, I get, I have that too. So that’s been amazing.

As far as the physical, I weighed myself at the beginning of 63 surrenders. So like mid-September maybe. And then I weighed myself again probably. I think it was November 10th. It was more towards the end because I wanted to see where I was before we started celebrate not sabotage.

And I had lost eight pounds and I knew that I was losing weight too because I had tried on some pants that I knew were too small, like I literally couldn’t button them back in spring, and I was able to get them on and button them.

They’re tight, not the most comfortable probably where I’m right now. But that’s okay. They’re capris and it’s really cold out. Yeah, but just the weight loss , that felt good. You know, it felt Jesus, I’m doing my part and, I surrender results to you.

Denise: That is right. That’s all we can do is our part. Oh man. That is so exciting, Abby. So if you were going to go back to past you. What advice would you give yourself when you first started?

Abby: I think I did pretty good. I took it very seriously and the morning connects and the evening reflections and the meal plan and then novena surrender. I think those are probably key because they’re every day and they engage you and just to take those seriously. I would make sure I did, but if I was telling somebody else yeah.

And the other thing I think I might say is don’t get too hung up on the meal plan. It’s okay to make reasonable substitutions you didn’t fail. Yeah. And if you do end up eating off plan in a bad way, then it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world.

Denise: Okay.

Abby: Jesus still loves you.

Denise: Yeah. You just learned.

Abby: Yeah. You learn something about yourself. But what was amazing about that too is even if I didn’t see it in the moment, I can go back and be like, oh, I needed just to connect with Jesus more. That’s really the issue I was having here.

Denise: And it’s amazing being able to see my thought process and work through it and be like, oh, I did this because of this. And I was feeling that and I was thinking that, and just knowing why, is a huge reason. Like it’s probably 70 to 80% of the issue and the rest of it’s easier to correct after that.

That’s right. How about you, Dee? If you had to go back to past you, what advice would you give yourself when you started the challenge?

Dee: I think I would say there’s nothing too big or small that the Lord won’t help you with.

Denise: Yeah.

Dee: It doesn’t have to be those overwhelming emotions and those overwhelming emotions come out in the very smallest of things. And the Lord will help you if you give it to him in his time, in his way. I think I would tell myself that your body, your mind reacts to your emotions. And sometimes just like you are open to seeing it in a child, they act out because they’re scared or they act out because something’s changed in their lives. Adults do too.

And I was acting out with food and have acted out with food for a long, long time. And the peace that you find, whether you lose weight or not, that’s just a bonus. That was, I was shocked. I would not have ever thought that I had lost.

Seven pounds and now I’ve lost another three quarters of a pound with Christmas baking and sweet things in the house. It’s part of my food plan. It’s not, you know, a little taste here and a bigger taste. And a bigger taste and bigger taste. It’s that treat. It is literally a food, it is not a substitution for anything. So not to be afraid to acknowledge that still small voice. In your mind.

Denise: Yeah. So Dee, if you were talking to the woman who’s unsure about joining 63 surrendered, what would you say to her?

I would say, if you are even thinking about it, do it. If it has crossed your screen and you went, do it because it is that voice of the Lord telling you that you can learn more about you and how to love you for who you are and what you can bring to the table to any table, and that you are worthy of love and you are worthy of loving yourself. Whether you lose a pound or you don’t. You are God’s creation and he loves you and you can love yourself, so do it.

Denise: I love that. How about you, Abby? What would you say to the woman who’s unsure about joining 63? Surrendered?

Abby: Well, I would say that if she is a Catholic woman and she has tried everything else, she is in this spot because everything else failed. And if you’re going to this, you have to bring Jesus into this otherwise. It’s not, it’s just not gonna work.

And I would also have to add that I feel like the pricing for everything was extremely reasonable. There seems to be a really good balance of this being your business and your income and everything versus God gave this to me to bless other people with it. So the price is very compared to a lot of other things I’ve seen out there too.

Denise: Yeah. Yeah. It’s so funny. I was just talking, I was doing a reel today about a recording, about the skills that you learned here are the skills necessary for a lifetime of being able to be at your healthy weight. it is. So , the investment of time, 63 days, $97. It’s but you get. The benefits forever.

Yeah. It’s very reasonable just to try it out too, and it’s I don’t know, it’s just very reasonable amount of money and. Compared to everything else, like you’ve tried or you sunk money in before, you know, maybe some other people have, this is definitely worth it too.

And I also just love that it doesn’t focus on what you put into your body. It focuses more on what’s running through your head too. And that’s really the problem. Like the problem was never really in my stomach. The problem was always my head. Yeah it tackles exactly where the issue is too.

Denise: Yeah. Dee, did you wanna add something?

Dee: I just I agree completely. It ends up being about your weight loss and your food, but it really is about your mind and what your mind can control you in good ways, and it can control you in bad ways and acknowledging yeah, that there are some skills that you need. To have to tackle your day.

And if you find yourself in the pantry all the time, then you need a different tool. And I, that’s why I feel so strongly about that the tools that you give us is just, it’s about living a healthy, a balanced life with the Lord and. Food should be nourishment. It shouldn’t be a counselor. It shouldn’t be a substitute for life.

Denise: Oh, I like that.

Dee: It shouldn’t be a substitute for someone missing. It shouldn’t be a substitute for whatever thing has happened in your life over this timeframe that you’ve had a problem with food. And it’s so easy to trick yourself.

I can’t remember what lesson we were doing, and I was like, okay what is going on here? I feel so much better about my grief. I know where my grief is, I know where my faith is, but every time I go downstairs, because that’s where my sewing machine is, and I’m trying to get a quilt done for my grandson, I can’t go down there.

And I can’t go down there. And then I’ll run to the pantry and I’ll grab some pretzels and then I’ll run down and I’ll turn the sewing machine on and then I’ll run back upstairs and grab a couple more pretzels, and I’ll get the quilt all set.

And then it’s I can’t stay down here. And I’d run back up and I’d grab something else and it dawned on me. Oh my gosh. You are not okay with being downstairs. This is not a food problem. Dee, you are still having a problem. Going downstairs. And that’s where my son lived.

Denise: Yeah.

Dee: With when he was living with us. And I thought I had gone beyond that because I could go downstairs and we could watch a movie. I didn’t realize how fast I was getting back upstairs. After that movie was over. But I was going downstairs. Everybody was feeling good about mom’s getting outta the bedroom. Mom’s getting outta the upstairs, Nana will go downstairs and play now.

My mind had convinced me I was okay, but I still had work to do in that area. I wasn’t okay. And the food kept me from planting myself downstairs for an extended period of time with myself. And memories.

And once that came to mind, it’s like, okay, now I know I have work to do in that area. So I can’t. Even express the depths of gratitude I have that I am doing the work with the Lord to find out what’s going on in my mind that is causing me to use food to help me move forward with life.

And it’s a gift. It is a gift. From the Lord to you, to me and I, it just makes me cry every time I think about it because it’s getting better and my food’s getting better and my life is moving forward.

Denise: And all of this day is because he called you and you said yes, and you continue to say yes to him. He’s gonna continue to work miracles in both of your lives. And you’ve seen it, it just doesn’t stop. Like you’re, you’ve locked arms with him and he’s like, well, all right, let’s buckle up and go. And you guys keep saying yes.

Dee: And that’s a gift.

Denise: Well, I just thank you guys so much for sharing all of your experience. It has just been really uplifting. And I hope that whoever is listening to this is hearing that wherever she is, she does not need to stay there. That the Lord is calling her for her to say yes, to walk with him, and he’s gonna pull her forward in a real, gentle, gentle way. And all she needs is her. Yes. So thank you so much for sharing your stories.

Abby: You’re welcome.

Dee: You’re welcome. Thank you.