Hey everybody. So today I wanna talk to you about the holidays as they’re fast approaching. I want to talk about, specifically food battles and why the holidays can feel like the food Olympics, that there are so many obstacles to go through. You are not crazy. There’s an actual scientific reason for that.

And if you’re anything like me, the more I can understand the physiology of my body, the more I can understand the psychology of my brain and what’s happening in my brain, the more it just helps me normalize. Oh, this is why that’s happening. 

And when I feel that validation, when I say, of course this is so normal, it decreases the stress response, it decreases my self-judgment. It helps me look at it in a more objective way and see that food battles aren’t moral failings, that the thoughts that I’m having. Or the cravings that I’m having aren’t a problem. 

And especially when I can understand why I’m having them, it helps me have so much more compassion for myself. And I was recently coaching a client who is overeating significantly less than when we started working together. It’s just incredible. 

And her next place of work that we identified is when she does see herself overeat instead of going into criticism and judgment, her next bit of work is to be compassionate with that woman who’s overeating, who’s struggling, and to get curious on how she can support her. 

Not in a way to change it, to make her stop eating, but in a way to say, I see you’re going through a hard thing and I want to help you through this. And oh my gosh, there’s just so many times that she already has so many other tools that she’s leaning toward. 

My point is that the less critical and judgmental we can be on ourselves. The easier this whole process becomes because we allow healing, we allow humanness, we can be loving and caring and gentle and tender with ourselves. And that’s how change happens. Isn’t that crazy? That’s truly how change happens. 

So let’s talk about the holidays. What’s happening inside your brain? Why? The food battles seem to not only increase in frequency, but also in intensity, and know that you’re not crazy, and we’re gonna go through what to do about that as well. 

So one of the reasons that holidays trigger old food patterns is because psychologically they awaken what’s called emotional memory. Which means that your brain doesn’t just store facts of past experiences. Like we put up the Christmas tree two weeks before and then here’s our traditions. We get the tree out. Okay, maybe you go cut down a tree. We don’t. We get the tree out. 

So I get the tree already. I put the lights on the tree, and then one at a time, we’ll pick out an ornament to put on the tree and we talk about the ornaments, and then I just feel all warm and gushy and just get to experience all of those memories especially the ornaments that have pictures on somewhere that we went on a trip and then we talk about the trip.

So our brains aren’t just remembering the facts of each time we do that tradition. But you can even tell just me thinking about that tradition. The feelings and the emotions are coming back. So our brain store, how we feel, and so my brain just lights up with that. Decorating the tree memory. And so you might have that with food things as well.

So when you see a plate of cookies or you smell at Thanksgiving, that Turkey or your mom’s special stuffing, your brain will instantly light up with that warmth, that nostalgia, the memories, the connection. 

And it releases that dopamine, that dopamine release in your brain is that feel-good chemical that says, oh, this is gonna be great.It’s that anticipation. It’s familiar. It feels safe. It feels warm. It feels love. 

And if you’re listening to this, you are that woman. That I’m guessing food has just been a part of so many wonderful traditions and family connections, whether it’s Thanksgiving dinner or hot chocolate while you’re wrapping presents or for my family, it’s all the snacks when we’re decorating the tree.

And one of the things we get are Doritos. I don’t even think that’s how you pronounce it, but it’s this soda, this Mexican soda. I think it comes from Mexico and it’s got all these different flavors. My husband likes Lime, one son likes pineapple. The other son likes mango and they just love those. And then I’ll make my special coffee. 

And the point is that food is part of the way that we celebrate with families, and we just love those moments. Here’s the tricky  part though. Over time our brains can start to equate the food of those events with that feeling. Of the comfort of the belonging of the joy of the connection. 

So when I told you about decorating my family’s tree, I told you first about how we decorate the tree. And how warm and yummy I feel having my boys around me and talking about our trips.

And that’s the real connection. And yet we have these special treats. And so over time, my brain can’t start to separate those special connection moments from the food. And so when life can feel stressful or lonely, or when I’m craving connection. Or when you’re craving connection, your brain pulls out that old feel good file. It remembers feeling really yummy and warm.

And it equates that with that food. That food feels good, food feels comforting, and I want you to know that that’s just not a moral issue. It’s a learned association. I gave you one tiny example and that example of decorating that tree is a tradition that I’ve only had around. While I’ve had children, and so that’s not even the majority of my life. I’m 48 years old. 

And so if you think of the food memories and the food connections that you’ve had in the decades and decades that you’ve lived, they’ve started since your childhood. So since your childhood, you’ve been having these connections with food and memories and food and memories and food and memories and food and memories.

So I just want you to see that your brain is programmed. To turn toward food for comfort, for connection, to feel good. And one of the reasons it does that so profoundly well is because it’s exceptionally effective. Because not only do we release the dopamine of anticipating eating the food, but when we eat it, we release that dopamine in that feel good, which just reinforces that association and that pathway in your brain.

I want you to see how scientific that is, that it isn’t a moral failure. It isn’t a moral issue. I was.  Coaching a client today and she said, well, I just don’t understand why I can’t stop overeating. Now, this is the same client who’s doing this a lot less, right? But she said, I just don’t see how I can’t stop in that moment.

And we coached through that a little bit and her brain just kept wanting to really find a reason, a real moral failure, why she couldn’t. She’s like, maybe I’m just lazy. And what we got to say was, what if it’s just a learned behavior? What if it’s just a pattern? Because we’ll talk a little bit later about neuroplasticity and how the brain can be retrained. 

So I just want you to know that this learned association is very magnified during the holidays because the holidays have so much joy, have so many traditions. And all of that feels like it just comes rushing back at once. 

And you know that because when you see or hear the Christmas music, when you walk in a store, even if it’s in November or October, your brain kinda lights up a little bit. I’m getting these catalogs in the mail with like Christmas stuff, it does feel kind of sparkly and it’s not even close to Christmas yet. I mean, it’s closer than not close.

And that happens when we think about those traditions, those cookie decorating, baking cookies with our families. The wine at the parties baking when we have family coming over, hosting a big dinner, especially when we’re empty nesters, when we have so much time, when there is so much space in our lives.

And then that nostalgia just comes right back in when we have the house full and it feels so warm and comfy. So let’s just recognize this time of the year, that learned association that we struggle with all year is magnified. Let’s look a little bit more at what’s happening in your brain. 

So when you walk into a room filled with the music in the decorations and the smell of cinnamon and butter. There’s a part of your brain that lights up, it’s called the amygdala. And the amygdala has two functions. And I want you to understand this. 

The two functions almost seem counter to each other, but the amygdala, the main function of the amygdala, is that is that tags things as emotionally significant. Now that might mean emotionally significant and warm and loving and all of the yummy things, the nostalgia and the joy, the memories. But it can also mean that it is emotionally dangerous.

Three, I’m gonna redo that. Amygdala part. So let me tell you about the amygdala. The amygdala has two sides. It detects threats and it’s used to note emotional relevance or anything emotionally significant. 

So yes, it could detect danger like the fight, flight, or freeze response, but it can also tag that emotional significance. It’s just something that’s important or exciting and rewarding and meaningful. So it’s not only our fear center, it helps with that, like I said, emotional relevance. 

And so when we walk in that room or we pull up to our grandmother’s house, or we pull up to our parents’ house, or we pull up to our children’s house, that part of your brain wakes up immediately and it connects all of those sensory cues with the past experiences of warmth and love and excitement. Isn’t that just amazing? That’s just our human brain, remembering how much love we have in our life. That is so good. 

Now, at the same time, the wise owl part of your brain, that prefrontal cortex, that’s the part of your brain that handles reasoning and planning and self-control. So that’s the part that will make rational choices. That’s the part that’s made your game plan ahead of time. That’s the part that says, oh, we might just have just one, or, I’m gonna watch it here. I’m not gonna overdo it.

Okay, so when emotions run high, whether it’s the yummy, warm. I love this. These are our great memories, whether it’s that or it could be social anxiety, stress, family relationships, but just know the amygdala is activated. 

When the amygdala is activated. Your body will act on emotions and seek immediate comfort more than it’s able to access that long term logic. You just step out of the best thinking part of your brain and act more on emotion. And this is why I love game plans ahead of time. 

And we often don’t make game plans ahead of time unless we’re told how to make game plans ahead of time and taught how to do that. But just to know the emotions take over and even though you have told yourself, I’m only gonna have just one that really does go out the window, unless you’ve allowed yourself to plan what feels doable and what doesn’t feel restrictive. 

Again, it’s not a weakness that your brain is doing this. It’s just one of the ways your brain is designed. The Lord designed our brains to seek safety and pleasure, and the problem comes when those pathways haven’t been really trained or directed toward your long-term goals. 

So before you get into this work and before we have a holiday program, and this is one of the reasons we have a holiday program, is because you’re going into the holidays with an untrained brain.

But what we end up doing is we teach your brain how to think ahead of time so that you can keep all the yumminess and make all the memories as well as enjoy all the food without your emotions taking over. 

And throwing your plan out the window because the plan that you will make will be very doable. The plan that you make will be something that doesn’t feel restrictive. The plan that you make will make the event actually even more enjoyable for you. 

And that is a hundred percent possible. You’re coming into the holidays with an untrained brain. I wanna teach you how to have a trained brain, and it’s totally possible. It’s called neuroplasticity, and it is the brain’s ability to change. It is a hundred percent a very real thing. 

We have a couple tools. That we help you in the holiday program and, it’s crazy as and simple as it is, learning how to simply breathe and pause helps your brain be redirected and reminded and recalibrated to your best thinking brain.

So just know that’s possible, and if you join our holiday program, then you’ll be able to go into the holiday season with a trained brain. Okay, little side note, it starts November 11th, which is tomorrow, so I hope you get in. You can just go to weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com and get in. 

So once you come into the holiday program, and we retrain your brain, know that over time new neural pathways become stronger and stronger and stronger, and those cravings will lose intensity.

And it’s not because you’re forcing them away or your white knuckling, it’s because your brain has learned a new pathway. And what I love about being able to train yourself over the holidays is not only are your holidays better, but you take that skill into the new year.

Okay. I want you to know the emotional and spiritual roots of food battles underneath all of this, you guys. Food battles are rarely about the food themselves. Food battles are about unmet, emotional and spiritual needs. We want to celebrate during the holidays. We want to connect, we want to rest. And we want to be appreciated. We want to be seen. 

And what happens is many of us haven’t learned how to do any of that without just turning to food as the answer. It’s the easiest, fastest, and most socially acceptable way to meet those needs. I mean, it’s temporary, but it works. And so, like college students coming home for Christmas. It’s the comfort of their mom’s cooking after the stress of the semester. 

You know, if you’re a mom of teenagers, it’s that exhaustion of giving so much to everyone else and wanting something just for you, and maybe you’re a widow or an empty nester, and you’re trying to fill the quiet spaces that used to be filled with other humans, with other connections, with conversation.

But no matter what you’re trying to fill with food, each scenario points to a deeper desire. It’s a desire to be comforted, a desire to be connected, a desire to be seen and known to desire of belonging and safety. 

So when we look at it from a spiritual lens, this is where the battle. Between the flesh and the spirit starts to show up and not as a punishment. I just want you to see this isn’t anything wrong, but I want you to have that spiritual perspective too. 

In Galatians 5:17, St. Paul says, the flesh desires what is contrary to the spirit. The flesh desires what’s contrary to the spirit, and what that means is that our flesh desires instantaneous solutions, instantaneous gratification. 

And the reason that’s contrary to the spirit is because in the long run, that leaves us feeling empty. In the long run, we feel farther away from ourselves. We feel farther away from God. It doesn’t truly meet our heart’s desires because our heart’s desires are for connection and joy.  It’s that illusion. It’s a false comfort. It’s so darn temporary.

And it doesn’t mean that you’re doing anything wrong. I just want you to see that our natural instincts as humans are to reach for things that are instantaneous, but they’re temporary. And what I want to do is to retrain your brain so that your brain knows what is not temporary, what you truly want, so that you start to learn how to meet your heart’s desires, that you allow the Lord to guide you, and that is really a skill too. I love skills. 

If you haven’t heard me say this before, skills are something that you weren’t born knowing. Skills are something that you can be taught. Skills are things that you get better with as you practice, and I want you to know that everything I’m mentioning in this podcast, no one has ever taught you the skill of how to solve for it. 

And that’s why celebrate not Sabotage our holiday program will help you retrain your brain ’cause you haven’t been doing anything wrong, you just haven’t been taught how to do this.

And it’s not about more self-control. It’s about learning how to meet your needs. It’s about learning how to tap into the Holy Spirit. It’s about learning how to surrender so you can access the Holy Spirit’s strength. 

You don’t have to do this on your own. It’s not about managing your behavior. It’s not about managing your cravings. It’s about getting curiosity, leaning in and say, how can I help myself here? What do I really need?

Do you see the shift? That’s the shift that happens when we understand what’s happening in our brains and our bodies and we say, oh, actually I have a lot of control over this. Because renewing your mindset around food and the holidays and celebrating and memories is not about restriction or control. It’s about growing an awareness and compassion. 

Learning these new tools really will give you such a mindset renewal that begins when you realize that you don’t need to fight yourself. You don’t need to fight the battle. There needs to be no food battles. This holiday season. The goal isn’t to silence your desires or battle food, it’s just to understand it. It’s to get curious. 

So when you notice yourself drawn toward food this holiday season, it’s not a failure. It’s your body and your brain trying to tell you something. Your body might be saying, I need a break. I’m exhausted. Your heart might be saying, I need comfort. I need connection. Your mind might say I need a break from all of this. I just need to have some fun. 

And what I want you to lean into this holiday season is curiosity, which will create space for compassion for you. So instead of labeling the behavior. As bad or good, you get to gently ask, what am I really needing right now? Maybe you just take a deep breath in the kitchen and notice that you’re a little anxious.

And maybe when you notice yourself overeating at a holiday party, you can just pause and recognize, whoa, girl, what’s going on here? And maybe if you’ve lost loved ones, you can comfort yourself and say, Lord, I really miss them, I really miss them and talk to the Lord about that.

The goal of this podcast and our holiday program is that you start to stop judging yourself and be critical of yourself, and you start to have a relationship with yourself. Staying connected to you, staying connected to the Lord so that you’re able to meet your needs. 

So that you’re able to understand your brain and your body so that you’re able to learn some skills that will support you, so that you can keep the parts of the holiday season that you absolutely love without sacrificing your peace.

I love also saying, and without sabotaging your waistline, because nobody feels great at the end of the holiday season when you gain 10 pounds because there’s no reason to do it. This is just something that we get to learn skills to do, and psychologically when we go from that criticism to curiosity, we learn skills. Instead of judgment.

Our bodies relaxed. Our nervous system goes into a more restful, gentle, calming state. It’s a wait from the fight or flight or freeze response. And that’s what I wanna teach you this holiday season.

So I hope you join our holiday program, but in the event that you choose to step into the holidays by yourself. The three things that you’ll do is when you notice that you feel a swirl of excitement or overwhelm, just pause, take one. I’m here with you.

And this moment of awareness will slow your nervous system down. It’ll invite the Holy Spirit in, and it will start to strengthen a new pathway. It’ll start to strengthen a calm, safe pathway that will give you a little bit of a pause away from the impulse, away from the fight, flight, or freeze away from the stress.

And if you’re really feeling sassy, do two breaths. Jesus, I’m here with you. Be here with me. Then notice and name what you’re feeling. Not criticizing it. No judgment. Just notice what’s happening in you. I’m feeling lonely. I’m tired. Oh, I’m feeling really anxious. I always, I have dread. That’s a feeling I have a lot that, oh, I really feel that dread.

And what naming it does is helps your brain move away from the emotional reactivity to more of the presence. So instead of the story in your head, you’re connecting with your body and just expressing the sensation that you’re feeling in your body. 

And then the third thing that you get to do is from that place of calm, you get to make any choice. You can eat or not eat. It doesn’t really matter. Neither one is morally right, but when you do it from a place of peace and calm, whatever you choose, you don’t regret. 

Whatever you choose you did from a place of support and care and compassion for you, and you can enjoy the food with presence instead of guilt, you could decide. I’ll wait later. It doesn’t matter. Both are very loving and both are free for you. 

One of the questions I love asking myself is, what’s the next peaceful decision? What’s the next peaceful thing to do? And it might be, you know what, I’m just gonna wait a few more minutes before I eat this so I can really calm down and enjoy it.

And each time you do that three step process. Pausing, naming the feeling and then choosing with peace. You strengthen that new neural pathway and the  stressful, overwhelming part of the holidays, that pathway starts to weaken and you can retrain your brain. 

So listen, this year. I know that sounds like something that might feel impossible, but this year, if you want to be surrounded by hundreds of other Catholic women who are learning the same thing.

If you want to learn some skills during this holiday season that will not only make this holiday season amazing for you, where you can keep the memories, savor the food without the regret, without sacrificing your peace, without sabotaging your waistline. Then I want you to go to weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com and get in our Celebrate Not Sabotage program.

Do that and listen. If you join with a friend, you get an upgrade. We’re going to send you both a prayer partner guide, which is so amazing ’cause it keeps you on track and focused on what really matters. 

We have just a little. Guide where you get to connect weekly. You can of course connect more frequently, but it asks you some probing questions that help the two of you support each other even more.

This holiday season can be amazing. I want you to have an amazing holiday season, and I want you to solidify and have used this time to retrain your brain so you’ve solidified new skills to start in January. 

Wouldn’t that be incredible? I mean, is that even possible? I know your brain doesn’t believe it, but I do. ’cause we’ve run this program for several years now. And each time women not only feel spiritually lighter, but their pants are also looser, which just makes it feel amazing. 

So your next move is to go to weightlosswiththeholyspirit.com. Get signed up. There’s nothing you need to do because we don’t start until November 11th. And if you’re hearing this after November 11th, please email our team at [email protected] and ask if it’s too late to get in. Because it probably isn’t. 

Okay. Everybody have a blessed day.