Denise: Have you ever felt like you were having a great day until you stepped on the scale and that you just really felt that your worthiness was based on the scale? I know all of you listening are shaking your head and you’ve had that experience. 

Well, I wanted to do a bonus episode because we’ve had over 7,000 women go through 63 surrendered. Of course, we have so many wonderful stories, and today I did not want to miss Amanda’s story.

And Amanda’s going to talk to you about her journey on starting to feel comfortable in her own body, her definition of worthiness, and you will hear how her body transformed and that transformation was not detected on the scale. So, enjoy this interview with Amanda. 

So my friends today, I have a very special guest on one of our 63 surrendered graduates who is now in our program. After that, Amanda and she had such an amazing transformation and such an amazing experience, which you know, I wanna say it’s just not unique when you’re talking about the Lord. 

When you say, Lord, take me, you do what you want. He’s okay. And so I guess we shouldn’t be surprised that we have amazing stories that come out of that. But hers was special and unique and she said yes to sharing it with you. So I just wanted to welcome our friend, Amanda.

Amanda: Hi.

Denise: Amanda can you tell our audience just a little bit about you and your family? 

Amanda: Yes, so we live in Mount Angel, Oregon, which is right next to a Benedictine monastery. So we’re friends with them. I have five kids, which I homeschool. I also work 40 hours for a youth center and I am very active in our parish and spreading the Acts women’s retreat as well.

Denise: So you are a very busy lady and you have five kids. What are their ages? 

Amanda: Oh goodness. That’s a tricky question. Sarah is seven. Lucas is about to be nine. Josephine just turned 11. Bailey turned 14 and Sophia just turned 16. 

Denise: Josephine is one of my favorite names. And then how is she named Josephine?

Amanda: So once I find out I’m pregnant, it’s the first thing I can do is find names. So I go searching for names and I just found old fashioned names and I fell in love with it. And so I was like, it better be a girl because I need to name this child Josephine. And it had to be a Schedule C-section, and she was actually born on St. Joseph’s Day. That was all, God.  Yeah. 

Denise:  So the Lord has obviously had his hand in your life. 

Amanda: Yes. Yeah. 

Denise: In many very over ways. 

Amanda: Yes, definitely. 

Denise: Oh, that’s so cool. Thanks for sharing that. 

Amanda: Yeah. 

Denise: So let’s dive into how you heard about 63 surrendered. 

Amanda: Facebook, I was just mindlessly scrolling and there it was, it’s 63 surrender. And the fact that it involved Jesus really grabbed my attention. So I started looking more into it. Also, I feel like it was affordable as well, and when you have. All these children, sometimes it’s hard to do things and afford things for yourself. And so the price was right and it was about Jesus. So I said, all right, I guess we’ll try. 

Denise: Yeah. I love that. So before starting, what were some of your concerns about starting another weight loss program? 

Amanda: Okay, so actually right before I had a really, low moment. Sorry. I am a crier. I have done so many different things, through the years. I’m only five years into being Catholic. I’ve done so many different things. That were all just, they kinda seemed silly. 

And so right before I was like, I think I’m gonna try this. I think this might work. I actually had this day where I was being very much attacked and I just thought, God’s just up there rolling his eyes going, oh gosh, here she’s gonna try again. She’s gonna fail again. What a joke. 

And so I just didn’t feel worthy of it, and I went to confession actually this Saturday before 63 Surrender started, and I went in and I have a really good relationship with my priest. I usually walk in and say it’s your favorite sinner, because I’m ridiculous like that. But this time I walked in and I was like, I’m gonna need a lot of tissues. 

And he was like, oh my gosh. Okay. So we got right into it. And I just basically told him how worthless I felt, and I looked up at one point and he was just grinning at me and I’m like, this isn’t funny. And he goes, no, it’s not. I’m not laughing. He goes, I’m smiling and I’m smiling because you’re human. That’s why God loves you and why I love you. 

And then that Sunday the reading was Isaiah 62:5 as a young man, Mary’s a virgin, your builder shall marry you. And as a bridegroom rejoices in his bride, so shall your God rejoice in you. And it just, I was like, okay, he’s got me. I’m gonna do this. It’s gonna be okay. And it was. It has been. When you’re ready to do something new that you know is right, little s as we like to call him, will do his best too. Make you think you’re not gonna succeed in it.

Denise: Wow. So the low point came before you saw 63? Surrendered? 

Amanda: Right Before 63 Surrender was about to start. 

Denise: So you’d already signed up? 

Amanda: I’d already signed up, but it hadn’t started yet.

Denise: Yeah. So you had a very low point and then you obviously came out of it through the Lord’s Truth. 

Amanda: Yes. Yep. 

Denise: So you’ve been walking with the Lord very closely for a while.

Amanda: Yes. You might not remember but that shortly after that, this is when my husband ended up in the hospital he was septic with his blood. They still don’t know how that happened. And I’m starting this new thing and I started going to daily mass right when I started 63 Surrender. And it was what I needed to keep me with Jesus and in line and know, we’d get through it. 

Denise: Yeah. So you wanna tell a little bit about what happened with your husband and coming out of that, because that’s part of your 63 surrendered journey as well. 

Amanda: It is. He just started feeling sick. We don’t know why. And I had to have an ambulance come and get him because he couldn’t get off the couch and they took him to the local ER, which I now have found out is not the best ER to go to. They sent him home. They were like, it could be the flu. We don’t know. 

They did give him morphine so that, I don’t know why you give morphine with the flu, but we got him home and about six hours later I had another ambulance come and take him to the bigger city that’s about 30 minutes away.

And at that point, was diagnosed. Having strep in his blood. So it took him a few days to figure out what the virus in his blood was, but by that time he was septic. He couldn’t urinate. They were using an ultrasound to find his veins. It was a long week. He was only in the hospital for a week, but he’s still recovering.

I don’t remember how many months now. It was like towards the end of January that I think that he got sick, but he still has some muscle damage from it. We are not sure why. So he’s a walker so he likes to walk all over town. So it’s been taking a while for him to get that going again ’cause it’s like in his pelvis region.

But we came through it, which is crazy. ’cause three years ago I had a child, my youngest Sarah, ended up in the hospital for 25 days because a stomach bug attacked her brain. So she lost the ability to walk and talk and she had to relearn all of that. And then a month after she got home, Josephine was diagnosed type one diabetes.

So it’s just been three years of craziness. But the whole time, we’ve felt God, like I haven’t been mad at God or anything, but because of it all, put myself on the back burner, because you have to take care of everybody. Now I’m like, okay, God wants me to take care of myself as well. So that’s what we’re focusing on now. 

Denise: I’m sure a lot of women can a hundred percent relate to that. Let’s go through the timeline here. So you start 63 surrendered, your husband ends up in the hospital, nearly dies. After one week, he is then sent home. And during that time, how did you practice 63 surrendered? What was going on with you there? 

Amanda: I did not do much of 63 surrender at that time because I couldn’t even focus. And we got to the end of it and I was like, I haven’t done anything and you were amazing. And let me do it one more time after the 63 had ended, I was like, Denise I’ve failed completely. And you were like, let me help you, and you helped me. And I started again after that.

Denise: Because of course you did not fail completely. 

Amanda: No.

Denise: Okay. You guys, when you do 63 surrendered, you’re learning like new skills. So the time of your husband being in the hospital and nearly losing his life is not the time to learn new skills.

Amanda: Okay, that’s true. 

Denise: So it’s take two, now we’ve got some more stability. 

Amanda: Right. 

Denise: Now you’ve got the bandwidth to learn some new skills. 

Amanda: Right. 

Denise: Okay, so you started then with our Lent program.

Amanda: Right. Yes. 

Denise: And so what have been the biggest surprise for you during the challenge? 

Amanda: Oh, that listening to God actually works, right? If you lean into God and say, I can’t do this, I need you. It actually works, I think, which is so silly, but. Once you do give in and go I don’t know what to do. I surrender. What do I do? Yeah he’s got you. That’s been my biggest takeaway. 

And then when you start putting him further behind, like other things pop into your life, we get so busy so he gets the back burner. That’s when I noticed that my healthy decisions or my relationship with the food. That’s what fails. That’s when I’m just, oh, look, there’s chips of hos. I’m gonna eat six of those in one standing. That’s when I see it because I’m not focusing on God. He’s not first now. 

Denise: Yeah, because you’re just going back. And then for all of you listening we come to 63 surrendered with certain ways that we’ve been thinking about things and certain patterns, so behavior patterns and thought patterns. So what we’re trying to do is to realign ourselves so that we start to take care of ourselves the way that the Lord wants.  And it’s just we do these four daily disciplines.

But it makes total sense that if we’re not doing the four daily disciplines, because that’s what keeps us like remembering about the Lord, that our brain will go back into default mode. And so this whole process is just retraining your brain, retraining your brain, retraining your brain.

Amanda: Right. 

Denise: So when you restarted in Lent and started that program, so for the people who don’t know 63 surrendered, how did getting started look for you? What were the first days like? 

Amanda: A little overwhelming because there are a lot of little things that you need to read to understand, but the videos are super helpful. So for me, I started with watching the videos because they made sense. And then it was really important to do. I can’t remember the name now. Where you have your, what are my triggers? What.

Denise; Oh, the chaos eating metacog. 

Amanda: That mind blowing, that blew my mind when I was like, oh my gosh, if I’m just standing and eating out of a bag, in the kitchen, of course I’m going to eat half a bag of Doritos. That sort of scenario, you know? 

So that was the beginning for me, is just trying to figure out what. My triggers, my chaotic eating is what does that look like? Because I can do great throughout the day, but once those kids go to bed, then I’m like, I want all the things I told them they can’t eat. That sort of thing. 

Figuring out what those triggers were. That was the first step and a really helpful step. And I also made a little notebook that I just keep writing into, and when we have our videos and stuff, I’ll take notes into that. So that was probably my biggest start process.

Denise: Yeah. So what I hear you saying is that you opened your eyes and started to become a little more. Of an observer of your patterns, right? Where you’re like, oh, when I’m eating half a bag of Doritos, am I actually sitting at the table enjoying them or, and you were like, oh no, I’m standing. So when we start to notice patterns of when we are chaotic eating, then when we start, when we see ourselves do that pattern, we’re like, oh wait, hang on. I’m doing it.

Amanda: Right. 

Denise: There’s no shame. It’s, we’re actually just. Recognizing, oh, this is the pattern that leads me to overeat. Oh, this is the pattern that leads me to overeat. And Amanda, you used the words I had to figure out, and I want to just, I wonder if it was more of a pause and just reflect.

There was no like figuring out as much as thinking, oh, when I’m doing that, what am I. Where am I sitting? What does that look like? What are the foods I’m eating? I lead you through this, everybody, but I think so often we just are on autopilot. 

Amanda: Yeah. Oh yeah. That’s definitely 100%. That’s me. It’s okay, what’s my next task? I literally wake up. Now I do daily mass and I take a quick little walk afterwards, like a 30 minute walk, and then I come home. But then it’s feeding the kids and then getting the school and then once school’s done, I feed ’em lunch, and after lunch I must go to work. And then kids have thousands of activities after work. 

So I’m just I, most days I would just grab whatever I could find really fast, shove it in my mouth, and that’s it. And then you’re like, why am I not full? Probably because you just ate two or three things and then you shove all the food when they go to bed. Because now I am starving because I didn’t take care of myself during the day. 

Denise: Yeah. So we’re just shifting our life from living on autopilot to being a little more intentional because autopilot isn’t getting what we want. 

Amanda: Yeah. 

Denise: It’s just, it can be that simple. So what have been the top three highlights or results of your experience with 63 surrendered? Tell me about any of your physical changes too. 

Amanda: Okay it was so funny. So after I started, with the new one, with Lent the Lent 63 day, I had a board meeting I had to go to and I walked in and there were. Candies all over the table, and I was like, oh my gosh, now I have to deal with this temptation. And I sat in the chair and I just looked at it, and then your voice came into my head and you’re like, why can’t you have one? I. I don’t know. Why can’t I have one? 

So I had one and it was okay, right? I let myself, so I didn’t suddenly grab all 10 of those. So now I’m like, I can have a treat, I can have a little treat, and it’s okay. It’s not a bad thing. That little treat. Isn’t my bad habit or does it make me bad for eating it? Even though everyone, media or whatever says, oh, you shouldn’t have this. Who cares? I want that one little laughy taffy, darn it, and I’m gonna have it. And that’s okay. 

So that just being able to have one or two treats and it’s okay. I still have a few things that I’m like, brownies I can’t have a brownie yet because I will want the whole pan. So there’s still many little things I need to work on, but saying it’s okay to a treat, that’s one of the big ones for me. Then that rolls into, I’ve now become more aware of what my body likes and doesn’t like.

Like Nutrigrain bars. I love those. And having now being more aware of what I’m eating and not just throwing things, I realize how bloated I feel after I eat. There’s something in there that I don’t like, but I would never have known because I’m just, you just shove everything in your mouth, right? Or at least I do, I just shovel food and eat. 

So I also, it goes back to why can’t I’ve tried to do the fasting, and I know that’s not necessarily what we need to do, but I’ve realized, trying it, that my body likes it. I still wake up at seven in the morning and I’m hungry and I’m not reached 12 or 14 hours. I don’t care.  I’m gonna eat.

Because. I hear you again going, why can’t you? If your body is telling you we’re supposed to be listening, you actually said something once that was when it came to somebody was counting calories and you said in one of the videos, your body knows and you know your body what it wants. You don’t need to get on the scale and look, ’cause you should know just by how you’re treating your body, how you feel. You said it so much more elegantly, but. It’s very true. 

Denise: Essentially our bar is, are we nourishing our bodies well and are we caring for ourselves the way that the Lord wants us to, instead of making the scale our God, let’s make God our God. And Right. And that’s part of the point of 63 surrendered is people are probably listening to you thinking how in the world do you even do that? 

Amanda: I don’t know. 

Denise:  It’s this process allows the Lord’s grace to come in and teach you that. But yeah.  

Amanda: Exactly. And it’s a pro, I mean, it took all, towards the end. My third highlight is how dumb the scale is. I did it and I dropped two pants sizes and my scale has not moved once. It is the same as before I did the Lent journey. It’s the same and yet in my head, I still wanna go, oh, I wonder if I get on today. If it’s a little, why do I care? It doesn’t matter. 

Denise: Yeah. 

Amanda: So the scale is dumb. You needed, maybe for some people medically they need that. But I haven’t gotten on it now in two weeks because that does not. Say who I am. That number is not, that’s not God’s daughter. That’s just the number. So I don’t know.

Denise: It’s clearly not saying that you’re making progress, right? If you are gonna go down two pants sizes and the number on the scale doesn’t change, then who’s gonna take away your two pants sizes? You clearly are making progress. 

Amanda: Exactly. So those are my, probably my biggest ones. Scales are dumb. And you warned us. You warned us after, let you know, don’t get on that scale. And if you do take this paper, remember. It’s not your God. And I still did it, and I was still super disappointed.

Denise: Totally normal though. That’s just totally normal. Of course, our brains are gonna picture that.

Amanda:  That was, I know that I shared those pictures.

Denise: Year before and after pictures were amazing. 

Amanda: And that was very hard to share. But I keep seeing all these women saying about the scale, and I’m like, guys, look at this. My scale hasn’t moved. And I still fluctuate the same four to five pounds whenever I get on there. And it’s so weird to me. You know what you’re gonna do? I’m just gonna keep going. 

Denise: A couple things before we move on, you said, we were talking about living on autopilot and the problem you guys with living on autopilot is if you aren’t aware of what’s holding up your weight loss. ’cause living on autopilot doesn’t allow you to actually pause to actually look at your life. You can’t change it.

Amanda: Right. 

Denise: What’s keeping most women overweight is not that they don’t know what to eat. It’s that they’re using food for reasons other than hunger. That’s what, that’s totally what I did. Other than hunger and enjoyment. 

Amanda: That’s what I do. I still do it. It’s oh, we award ourselves for something good with a sweet thing. It’s okay to not have a reward, but it’s also okay to have a little reward. 

Denise: Hundred percent. 

Amanda: Yeah. It’s hard.

Denise: And I don’t think we’ll ever get to a place where we are never emotional eating or habit eating or mindless eating. I don’t think we’ll ever get to 0%, but I think if we could get to 10%. There was a woman on a call today. She said that in her 63 surrender journey, she’s binged four times. This journey where she usually binges three to four times a week. 

Amanda: That’s amazing. 

Denise: I know, right? So it’s, the point is we don’t need to get to zero, we just need to keep making progress.

Amanda:  If we do binge not to beat ourselves up. 

Denise: That’s right. You have new information and we teach you how to process through that. It’s totally new information. If someone is binging, what I find or overeating is that there’s an area that they need more support.

And so we just say, oh, how can we support you more? Finally not finally, but the other thing before we move on is. You were talking about having the Laffy Taffy and being able to have unconditional permission in this program, you have permission to eat any food.

Amanda: Right. 

Denise: Any food at all. And most people don’t feel good about eating a bag of Laffy Taffy. So the food rules are that you eat the food you love, that you feel good about. So you like laughy taffy. It is totally fine. See if we deny ourselves from eating Laffy Taffy. Then when you get it, you wanna eat the whole bag, right? Because you think I’ll never get it again. 

Amanda: Exactly. Yes. And that’s why I sat there and I could hear it was your voice. ’cause we had just had a call that day that we were all part of and it said I can’t you, because somebody said and then I wanted this, but I couldn’t. And you said why? Why can’t you have that? And they had no answer and I had no answer. 

Denise: Yeah. The answer is really just ’cause our brain is so used to that thought, I can’t have this. I can’t have this. Oh my gosh. It just sounds so freeing. 

Amanda: It is so freeing. 

Denise: If you could go back and talk to yourself before joining 63 surrendered, what would you give yourself?

Amanda: That I’m worth it. God, even if I am overweight, God loves me, but I’m worth more, so much more that I can, I wanna be healthy for my kids, and I’m worth doing this, if that makes sense. I’m.

Denise: Yeah. I think the way that. I hear this from women all the time, and what I think we can say is, I am worth taking the time.

Amanda: Yes.

Denise: Giving myself the attention and support and care.

Amanda: Right. 100%. 

Denise: To retrain my brain to find freedom from feeling controlled by diet rules or by that mean girl living inside my head and telling me how horrible I am all day. 

Amanda: Yes, exactly. 

Denise: But you are worth the attention. You’re worth the time. 

Amanda: Yep. 

Denise: So for the woman who might be listening who’s heard of this, but is on the fence and thinking, oh, will this work for me? Will this not? And she’s hesitant to join, what would you tell her? 

Amanda: Do it. It’s not at all what we think at first too, because I think when you join a weight loss thing, you always go in expecting this is what you can eat and how much you can eat. And that’s not what this is. It is repairing that relationship with Jesus, with ourselves and with our food.

You have to be open-minded. It’s not easy at first. We all stumble and it’s confusing because you’re trying. To battle all the negative things we’ve been taught by these ridiculous weight loss journeys. And I remember thinking it can’t be that hard. It’s hard, but I’m like, it shouldn’t be, don’t mix your carbs with your fats, right?

There’s so many different weird rules out there. Don’t eat. This time of day or don’t fast until this. It’s all silly and I’m like, it can’t be that hard. Our body has to be telling us, and really Jesus is telling us what we need to do. 

And so if you’re go, you need to do it. You need to do it to be, repair that relationship, and to be with women who are struggling right alongside you with the same things. Even in the phone calls, the beautiful phone calls. 

If only one or two people talk, I sit there listening, going yes, that’s exactly how I feel. Or oh my gosh, I’m gonna pray for you because that is so sad. We are just all building each other up. Nobody’s mean. Everybody’s loving. And you learn to trust the process, and you learn to lean into God and that our bodies know what we need and it’ll be okay. It won’t be fast and it’ll be hard, but it’ll be good. 

Denise: Yeah, that’s right. Anything else that you wanna share with anyone? Amanda, as we close.

Amanda: Just, we’re all so busy and like I said, we deserve to take care of ourselves and we deserve to have a healthy relationship with food. And if we put God first, that’s the first step. And. I’m here to support anybody that needs help, like I’m here to vent to or whatever. 

And also just that you, Denise, are just fantastic for starting this for us women. You have this beautiful way of making us feel comfortable and safe and I know that it’s God working through you, but I’m so glad he picked you and designed you to do this for us. 

Denise: Thanks, Amanda. I feel just exceptionally blessed that this is the work I get to do all day long. It is incredible. It is incredible. And here, I think once someone has been, in other circles we might say bit by the bug, but when you are really just like. Have the Holy Spirit sparkles in this area of your life that used to feel like such a prison. 

You just can’t help but share it and shine it and help other people. And what you just said to me, someone will say to you one day where they’re like, Amanda, just thank you for being there for me and helping me through this. You made me feel so comfortable because we just can’t help but pass it on.

Amanda: I agree 100%. 

Denise: Yeah. Thank you so much for being here and sharing your story.

Amanda: You’re welcome. My pleasure.